Posts Tagged ‘widowed’

What’s Next: Choosing a Path after a Big Life Change

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

Choosing your path is often overwhelming, isn’t it? And especially if you’re dealing with a life changing event. Now, you’re supposed to “choose.” Choose a “path.” Sounds difficult, big and overwhelming. And so you get stuck. But you know intuitively that you want to move on.

So how do you choose a path?

One step at a time

One step at a time

You don’t. You choose, with the best of your abilities at the time, a step. Just one.

But wow. Getting yourself to the point of making a move, of getting unstuck, of taking that first step sounds difficult, especially right now.

So how do we engage your brain to take a first step? We go with your strengths. Whichever strength of yours you tap into, you want to answer the question: What’s one tiny step I could take to move me forward?” And this is key: Keep making the step smaller until you say “Oh, that’s easy. I can do that.”

Here are some practical suggestions.

Are you a highly verbal person?

Love to talk? Enjoy language, books, socializing? Use your strength. Talk with friends, talk to yourself, a voice recorder, write in your journal or gain insights with a coach; talk it through, getting your thoughts out of your head. Clarity comes for the verbal person when she takes it out of her head.

Highly visual?

Draw it out. Map it out. Use a whiteboard. Create a Post-it note with one small step on each note. What do you see as a next step? What’s the picture of where you want to get to? What do the steps in between here and there look like?

Movement! Energy! Kinesthetics.

You may have this natural strength if you enjoy movement and speak with words that reflect energy. We can also often hear different levels of energy, depending on how they feel about a topic or a step, in this case. Where do you feel the most energy? What next step would stoke the fires? Rev up the car? Cause you to do dance with great energy? Move you along the path most easily?

Cognitive strength?

Do you typically read about something before starting a new project? You’re going to want to do some research, read a book, blog, or website first. What piece of information would move you forward? What proof or research or expert would you look to? What checklist of steps of decisions you need to make would be useful?

 

We all have a mixture of strengths and ways we process what’s going on around us. Use your natural strengths to get yourself unstuck so that you can take a step which gets you closer to your new path and your new chapter.

All of this makes choosing a path easier – perhaps not effortless – but easier.

And after this time of change you’ve been going through, isn’t it about time something got a little easier and clearer?

Grief and Sadness at the Holidays

Friday, December 9th, 2011

Your friend or parent or spouse is dreading the holiday season because someone loved has passed away. The holidays were mom’s or best friend’s or spouse’s favorite holiday … and they’re no longer on this Earth, not here to celebrate with.

How can you support, “be” there, without doing more than the person can handle. This is part of the “self-care” or “supports” we need to pay attention to, whether it’s easy for us or not. It’s crucial, so here, some ideas for you to consider or share.

Create a special gift: A friend told a few of us work that it was the second Christmas after her husband’s death which was going to be difficult.

Year one, she was still in shock; year two, reality was setting in. One of our crew listened and then together, we created a very special gift. Beginning 25 days before Christmas, our friend received a small daily gift. We put a card with each gift, with the countdown to Christmas.

This worked for her, I think, because she could look forward to each day, instead of dreading the countdown. A distraction, small gifts, and a card on Christmas, at the end of our countdown.

It’s often the days leading up to and after the holiday or anniversary, not the date itself, which are most difficult. If you live far away, you could send a card or postcard each day instead.

Honor traditions:  Were there particular traditions or  foods which the person always enjoyed at the holiday? Keep those going in the person’s memory. Tell your stories about the tradition, so that this gets passed along to others; this is a wonderful way of feeling you are carrying on the person’s legacy.

Write a letter or create an album: Write a letter with your own memories of the person and share it. This, being your perspectives, may be brand new information to your friend, and a way to complete the picture of their loved one, still learning, even after she is not here.

Or create a scrapbook or one of the photo/journal books you can create online. Again, you’re creating your own version of the person, or his impact on your life.

Ask. If you’re going through this yourself, take time to think about what kind of holiday season you’d like – quiet, active, here, vacationing. What do you need to get through? It’s important you take the lead, because others will be watching you to figure out what they can do; they don’t know, often, so ask for what you need.

If you are the friend of someone going through this difficult time, ask. Just be there when needed. Think about how you might make their day more pleasant (flowers, lunch out on you, a card each day, a text message) and just do it.

Most often, people are in a fog, so you may not get guidance on what would make life a little easier right now; so think about your friend and do something small. You’re not trying to “cheer up.” You’re simply trying to make each day go by a little more easily.

More ideas welcomed as always.