Posts Tagged ‘moving on’

Turning A Corner – Reorganize to Process Life Changes

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Life changes and major events interrupt our lives in ways that we cannot imagine.

Whether the changes are joyous (welcoming a family member), unexpected (a job loss, major surgery) or tragic ( loss of a loved one), these changes leave us with homes, belongings, and schedules that no longer meet our needs or help us live our lives. Reorganizing is an important part of processing any life change.

Reorganizing is useful, because you’re changing your schedule, office or home to meet your new ways of living. Systems cannot be static, because life isn’t, and systems are what give you the time to deal with the life change.

Organizing, I often say, is a means to an end. The end is the results you want – to have more time,energy or a modified space to handle the life event.

How  do you know when you’re ready to shift, to change your systems, reorganize your space or declutter your past?

When you feel as if you’re turning a corner.

Turning the Corner – Michigan Forest Land

When you’re more often than contemplating creating physical and mental space for your next chapter – whether you know what it looks like or not. Decluttering your  home, your schedule, and creating the new.

Only you can judge that timing.

Take your time. Live with what you have until it feels like you’re “turning a corner.”  When the “old” truly feels like the past. When you want something new.

You’ll know it or you’ll feel it. You’ll see it clearly if you’re visual.  Listen to your voice and only yours. Because if you don’t, you’ll make decisions you may regret later on.

So wait until you know it’s time. Until you can see that last corner … just before you begin your next chapter in life. And then it’s time to reorganize and create something comfortable but new.

 

Stay tuned for details: On January 6th, I’ll be the guest on my publisher’s webinar “Help Me Organize after a Life Change.”

Do Your Surroundings Become You?

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

You can read several meanings into this blog title, can’t you? Do your  surroundings inspire you? Or do they bring you down, with more clutter than you can tolerate? Does the clutter reflect how fast your life is passing by? Do your things bring you comfort or is it more like protection from something else?

If you’ve been through a big life change lately – of your choice or not – then your surroundings really may not become you. Perhaps a parent or spouse passed away. Your relationship splits up. You choose to leave corporate for another career or to go out on your own. You or someone you love is facing major surgery or treatment. You decide you want to move and downsize.

When the dust settles, you may find yourself surrounded by your past—your belongings or home reflect who you were before your transition, but now things have changed. You may be feeling this already – that some of your belongings are no longer  in  sync with the person you are becoming. They really feel  like … clutter.

What to do ?

Approaching life in chapters allows you to close the door on the past (while still honoring it) and fully embrace your present. When you live this way, you give yourself permission to declutter so you’ll be be more comfortable with choices you make. You’ll keep the best or the essence of the past and bring it forward, while  making room for your next chapter’s experiences.

What is “organized enough” to you? Only you and your household members are the judges of what is “organized enough.” If you try to organize to someone else’s standards, the systems will be harder to keep up with because they were not designed for your lifestyle or ways of thinking and remembering. And so the clutter returns in these cases. Find your own answer.

Your values relate to organizing.  Values help you figure out which belongings you really need in your life. Love to learn? Weed out and reorganize something else, not the books. Keep what you love, what gives you joy, sustains and motivates you.

Decluttering and reorganizing systems plays a big part in keeping our calm. If we hold onto the ways we used to manage life and our things, and yet this life change has occurred, it’s harder to accept what is and move on.

Suddenly these systems work against us instead of with us, even if they once fit beautifully into our lives. New systems for new times. Systems do outgrow their owners, especially as we experience life’s changes. A parent moves in, you adopt a child, add a puppy, or are widowed: in each case, your systems need to shift as your circumstances change, so that you keep up (and keep calm!).

Declutter – internally: Internal clutter includes old ideas, attitudes, beliefs and reactions which no longer serve the person you are. They may be hold-overs from how you were raised or from a past relationship -but there’s the point – these are in the past. You may believe what others say about you, just because they’ve always said it (distracted, not creative, not with it). But these gremlins, too, can be decluttered. New chapter, fresh start.  

When we declutter, the mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us new energy for our next chapter. Our focus is forward, with respect for what’s behind us— because what’s behind us is a large part of who we have become.



“The Ache and Necessity of Change”– Maya Stein

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Last  night, a beautiful “10-line Tuesday” poem arrived in my e-mail.  A new client sent it, I believe because the poem explains how she sees the value of our organizing and coaching collaboration. I can’t wait to talk with her more about the poem.

Before meeting with people, I send some questions to cause reflection, to think deeply about what matters – what one really wants out of the organization. What it will mean, beyond “save time, money and reduce stress.” What it will now allow one to do, to be, or to move on, freely, leaving behind what needs to stay in the last chapter.

In my mind, the poem talks about growth, change and moving on — all reasons people wrestling with life’s changes decide to regroup, reorganize and remember – so that they handle the changes and can move on to their next chapter.

old and new

We have such awe for the caterpillar. Reverence, even,
for its slow molting, for the poetry of its transformation. We watch, transfixed,
as it wrestles out of what was – that permeable, earthbound skin –
and catches the first whiff of flight. It’s not that the metaphor is lost
on us. We recognize the magnificence and rigor of metamorphosis, the ache
and necessity of change. But the turn of our own body we thwart and battle.
Our hearts cleave from an outgrown home but we groove claw marks in our wake –
departure like a hostile beast. Perhaps it’s the fulcrum in the see-saw that alarms.
That pause between the past waving its farewell and the future opening its palms.

http://www.papayamaya.blogspot.com/

What would help you to wrestle out of what is or what was and move on?  What would you need to let go of or leave behind?

Coaching for Better “Big” Decisions – for Me

Monday, June 20th, 2011

A client once mentioned that “filters” were a useful way to make big decisions in business.  My ears perked up.

I had recently made a couple of big decisions and reversed them after further thought and discussion with someone I trusted.

And then I started the second  guessing we’re all familiar with sometimes. I knew I needed a new way to organize my thinking to make these big, uncomfortable, potentially risky decisions.

How could I approach these decisions with a new perspective and with more useful thinking? I turned to an Organizer Coach, not myself, but to a colleague in my advanced class.

I’m using myself as an example for two reasons (1) to illustrate the organizer coaching process without needing to change details to protect a client (2) because people often want to know that organizers are not perfect. (I admit to that readily, but sometimes an example is more believable!)

Self-awareness

Our coaching process went something like this.

What made you think these decisions were initially not right? How did you first think about your answers?

*I have too much to do already and might get overwhelmed – then not do a  good enough job with everything else.

What do these decisions have in common for you?

*New areas for me. Haven’t done that before. Not sure how to do it. Not sure if I have all the skills for it.

What other big decisions have you made in your life – which you thought turned out well/successfully for you?

*My junior year abroad decision in college. I almost didn’t go (fear) but talked with people who had gone before. I couldn’t pass it up after  that.

I did the best I could, jumped and closed  my eyes – thinking I could probably figure out what I didn’t know, or  rely on friends again.

*Career choices – new jobs/my company. There was always someone gently pushing me to consider the new horizon – someone who believed in me a bit more than I did in myself right then.

*My new  book. The publisher approached me based on my blog writing- and yet, for years, several people told me I was a good writer and should do something about that.

How did you approach making those decisions?

*I guess when I think about it, I talked to other people about the idea.

Found someone who believed in me a little more than I did right then in the wake of a big decision.

Talking about it got me comfortable with the parts I was nervous  about.

They raised good points and questions to consider, so I had more decision criteria to use.

Became less about the emotions this way.

And with time, I realized that I knew more and had more skills than I’d initially thought.

And so, thinking about these recent decisions,  what would have made you comfortable ?

*Talking with someone out loud. *And having some of those decision criteria to practice and use – to take some of the emotion out of the process.

Is changing your mind a positive or not, in your mind?

*Usually I don’t think of  it as a good thing – that once you decide, that  should be your commitment.

But here, changing my mind was  a really really good thing.

So what criteria might you use? …. Read my next post for my new criteria ! Look for it tomorrow.

My Book: Organize for a Fresh Start – Embrace Your Next Chapter

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Your life is full of different chapters. As you move through these chapters, priorities change, as does your mind-set about your belongings and your schedule and activities. When this shift happens, it’s time to reorganize.

People call these “chapters” by different names:

  • “big changes”
  • “life events”
  • “life’s crises”
  • “next phase”
  • “second act”

Whatever your name might be, your life is in transition.

It’s not enough to make it  through the  big event – whether it’s a divorce, empty nest, or welcoming a new energy into your home (grandchildren, children, puppy, or parent).

While the event  or the change is difficult, the transition is harder and longer, but it can also be an adventure, a fresh start, a new phase you get to design.

It’s that place in between the old chapter and the new chapter—the before and the after, leaving the big change behind but not knowing what is next. It’s a place of limbo where you’re not through the changes and you’re not quite into your new chapter.

Reorganizing gives you a fresh start. Naturally, we think about ‘weeding out’ our things which we don’t need  to bring forward with us into this new chapter. And that’s hard enough. But we also need to consider how to use our time in new ways.

For example, your children are off  to college or on their own with families. Your primary role, how you thought of yourself, your identity – was tied up with taking care of them and then teaching them to become independent adults. Now what?

Or your parent recently passed away, after you’d been a caregiver and then a visitor to his or her new home. All that time spent together – and now what do you fill your days with?

Your small business is doing great – so well that you’re ready for a new chapter. And that  changes your role which affects how you use your time.

Reorganizing is so helpful in dealing with  life’s big events.

It’s not simply a “nice to have”—it’s an essential practice.

  • Organizing is cathartic. It helps you process your emotions. As you go through your things and your calendar, you’re not only thinking about whether to keep or let go, you’re thinking about the transition itself, the emotions, what you’ll do next, and how you’re managing.
  • Organizing gives you a sense of control, which, in the context of a life transition, is at a shortage, or may not even exist at some points.
  • Organization means allows you to focus your energy on the transition and the emotions. Organizing gets you moving and makes you an agent of positive change in your home. You are no longer a passive bystander to your big life change.
  • Organizing focuses you on what’s truly important as you move into the transition, rest in it, and as you move out and into your next chapter of life. You gain clarity.

I coach my clients that organizing is part of your support system, whether you’re clearing the clutter, reorganizing, or changing how you use your time. Organization is a means to an end, not the end.

And in the words of coaching and organizing clients, reorganizing your stuff, time, and/or space . . .

• Helps clear the fog.
• Helps you put your life back together.
• Helps put your new life together.
• Helps you let go more easily when you know what’s important to keep.
• Helps you visualize the new place you’re headed more easily.

So think about it: what’s one small step you could take, to help clear a bit of that  fog? What’s one step forward? One small thing you could take on to have your surroundings or your time reflect the person you are becoming?

My book, Organize for a Fresh Start: Embrace Your Next Chapter in Life is about just this topic – and is due out this October.

Organize for a Fresh Start