Posts Tagged ‘downsizing’

“No, I Don’t Need Your Stuff.”

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

When she was downsizing her home, my grandmother would bring goodies on her visits. I didn’t know she was downsizing for an eventual move at the time or that would have given me perspective, I’m pretty sure. I was just out of college at the time, so thinking ahead to my own space.

She’d bring me something beautiful I’d remember from my childhood, such as a small pewter cream pitcher. I could remember where that pitcher was placed on her built-in bookcases. Even without touching the pitcher, I could remember it’s cold, metal feel. I remembered the  stories she used to tell about the pewter ware in the family. And my grandmother, a widow at a young age, was at our house a lot as I grew up. Many fond memories.

So of course I took the pewter pitcher. And the little plates. And the candlesticks. And more.

How could I say “no,” to memories, to my heroine, to my persuasive Baba? I didn’t say “no,” for a long time.

At some point, I found the perspective, that, while she loves me very much, at that time, she was downsizing and needed to know if family wanted her stuff. I could have said “no,” and eventually, I did.

 

Saying no is an easy way to keep less, but it’s often difficult for us to do.

Some ways to say “no,” without using the word “no” – and still being clear that you don’t need someone else’s stuff.

You probably have a friend or colleague who has figured out how to say no, with grace. Ask them how they do it.

Or try answering the request this way: “What I CAN do for you is … but not what you asked.” For example, I gave Baba other ideas for where she could give away her things.  And she still loved me even though I said “no” more often than “yes”!

“I already have one of those. How about it you donate it to — your church, Goodwill. Ask your knitting group.” Focus the person on other groups she might enjoy giving her things to.

And questions to ask  yourself, before you say “yes” would be:

How many of these do I have already?

Where exactly will I put this?

Do I love the object? The memory? Or the person giving it to me? If it’s the memory, snap a picture. If it’s the person, find other ways to say “I love you.”

 

Of course, her needlepoint’s another story entirely.

 

Connecting our Values, Our Stuff & Our Family Stories

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

The things we save give shape to our lives and reflect who we are – our interests, our values, our activities, our relationships – to our families, our communities, and to future generations.

Your personal papers, memorabilia, and artifacts are part of a unique individual history.  Today, we document the culture people will read about in decades and centuries to come; history is about us, you and me, not just about famous people who did famous things.

Life in Context: Telling Your Story is a Facebook group dedicated to helping you discover what is important to you. My colleague Melissa Mannon of ArchivesInfo and I  started it as an outgrowth of our workshops together. People wanted to continue to share.

Tell your story, share in a like-minded community, and share your cultural experiences.

By connecting our “stuff” with our stories, we can start to figure out what’s important to keep or not. What’s important to share with cultural institutions, our families or the organizations we belong  to.

What we save takes on a broader meaning and so can be easier to let go.

Or, if we are  the informally elected “family collector,” as we learn the history of the objects, photos and papers we  become clearer about what we need to keep and preserve.

My latest post is copied below:

Four generations of women: me (the little one), mom, “Baba” (my grandmother who just turned 99), great Grammy Nichols, great Auntie Grace.
The baby? My little brother.
Baba & her mother were both widowed around age 50. And Baba also lost her father at a young age, rumored suicide – victim of the Depression.
We held three generation lunches for about 10 years, from the time I was in my mid-20′s: mom, me, grandmother.
4 generations
And the post which inspired mine:

Melissa Lowenthal Mannon

This is a photo of my grandmother and an unidentified little girl. I was named after this strong woman who escaped from Poland during WWII with my grandfather.
A story I remember mom telling me when I was young is that grandma dressed as a peasant woman and smuggled food and medicine into concentration camps.
I hope that I remember that properly because it has stuck with me for a long time and has affected me deeply.
The little girl in the photo may be my aunt, who did not make it through the War…so many stories are fading into legend through faulty childhood memories and unlabeled photographs.
I think I will celebrate Women’s History Month by working to get the bits of the story mom knows down on paper this month to make sure we document what we know.

Please join us !

Facebook community page: Life in Context: Telling Your Story

A Life in Context

Friday, January 28th, 2011

It would be fascinating to be an archivist. Short of that, I get to work with one on a workshop we’ve developed together over the past year.

Because of my collaboration with Melissa Mannon at  ArchivesInfo, I have a new set of questions as well as a new perspective – particularly related to items of family history.

I typically ask people to consider sentimental and financial value of items they’re not sure whether to keep  (among many other questions; I’m simplifying.).

When we simplify our things, it behooves us to separate emotions from the objects. It’s also useful to take emotion out of the decision making process when possible. Otherwise, we tend to keep more than we wanted to.

Since working with Melissa, I’ve  broadened my perspective to include historic value, a fact versus an emotion. People often say that their things don’t have much historic value. “We don’t have anyone famous in our family. So … what historic value are you talking about?”

In 150 years, how will people know about us, how we live, what was important, our culture, mores? How do we know about those who came before us? We document our culture today by what we preserve for the future.

In your local newspaper, you’ve probably seen requests for identifying people in “old” photographs. They’re not famous people. The photos aren’t that old sometimes (1940′s, 1950′s high school photographs appear in my paper). That’s us.

How do you  know what’s valuable to the family, to the  communities to which your family belonged, to documenting the culture we live in?

So as you simplify your life, think about these new questions.

  • Would you like to know that you’ve shared beyond your own family and contributed as a cultural heritage partner?
  • How important is it to you to be the family’s collector or historian? How do you feel about this role?
  • Has someone in your family asked to have these items?
  • Are there other materials with the same information? (Copies in better condition? Information in a different format?)
  • Do they reflect an important activity of the times?
  • Do you know the accurate story associated with these items? Or, could you find out more information from a family member?
  • Were they created by someone with a special connection to an event?

I’m very excited about our workshop; we’ve had great participation to date. And, it merges my interest  in exploring our past, passing on legacies and family history, with my specialty in organizing for your next chapter- moving on by simplifying. Melissa’s expert knowledge of what, why and how to record and preserve our history mixes beautifully.

Oh, and plus I get to hear Melissa’s expertise each time we prep and give the program.

If this is your interest, we have a facebook page called Life in Context and are building a “family collectors” community there.

Resources:

Barbara Winter’s Advice on Getting Clear

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

“Whether self-employment is your well-worn path or you’re just taking your first steps toward making a living without a job, welcome to the place where you’ll find ideas for running an inspired business, one that expresses your most creative self and offers you the rewards of freedom and financial independence.”—Barbara J. Winter, champion of the self-employed.

“Joyfully Jobless™.”

The first time I read Barbara Winter’s trademarked phrase, I wasn’t quite sure how to take it. So off I went to her website, where she promises to be your tour guide on your adventure, this journey called self-employment. I’ve since followed her on social media sites, become a newsletter subscriber, taken a teleclass, ordered her book, Making a Living without a Job. And recommended her to others.

Ideas, inspiration, expression, creative self and rewards … here’s our joyfully jobless tour guide, Barbara Winter, whom I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing. Quite a privilege.

Author, speaker, writer and seminar leader, Barbara ensures you will not walk away from a conversation, seminar or written piece without being inspired and passionate, whether you are in business for yourself or are considering self-employment.

My organizing-coaching business is all about our transitions in life, and moving onto our next chapter. So when Barbara wrote online about her adventures of moving her home and office, and used phrases such as “declutter,” “simplify,” and “living in the gap,” I asked to interview her about what she’d learned. She started her move in August and, fingers crossed, has a new home this week. She’s lived in “the gap” for awhile now.

When people move, they get a very clear sense of which belongings are important to them, and are much clearer on priorities for their time. Clearer than during normal times, so I thought her advice would be useful to any of us moving through a  major life event.

Barbara’s Advice:

In the big picture, Barbara reviews her priorities on a regular basis. Each year, she reflects on this question: “What is the 2011 version of my life?” Similar to knowing your values, creating this year’s “version” of your life will drive decisions on what items are allowed to stay in your home or on your schedule.

Barbara’s 2011 version focuses on educating people about self-employment as a strong option to working for someone else:

• Presenting again at the 2011 “Unjob Fair” at Colorado Free University (link is to the 2010 site);

• Working out other locations for the Unjob Fair concept;

Follow-Through Camp rolls out again (“If you’re ready to become the champion of your good ideas, here’s an opportunity to do just that.”)

• And a new seminar – Small Sassy & Successful

Next a reminder from Barbara that it’s “hard to be successful when your personal life is in disorder.” Whether you’re planning a move or not, you are the only one who can take care of your personal life.

So take the time you need after any major change or transition. Heal yourself first, and then refocus on your work, self-employed or not. A major change could be a career change you wanted but it’s still a major life event. Or the transition could be into caregiving for a parent who now lives with you.

Last bit of advice for today: This particular move was not one Barbara initiated. Since it was not of her own choosing, this was a rockier adventure than other moves. She had less lead time to organize for her move this time. And with this time pressure and the fact that it was not her choice to move, getting clear on where she wanted to be next in her life took longer. “Living in the gap” is an expression she used, and I believe she meant emotionally as well as being without her own home for awhile.

She discovered that going through a transition not of her choice is quite like moving through the five stages of grief. From denial all the way through to acceptance.

Think about the last time you went through a major life event, a move, a divorce, a career change, caregiving. Didn’t you move through these stages in some fashion? And think about it: how was it different for you in a self-imposed change versus one thrust upon you? So give yourself adequate time to reflect and process what’s happening. You are the only one who can insist on this; you are your champion.

There’s more on the way: Barbara, an avid reader, gives advice on deciding which books get to stay on her shelves and which get to find a new home; how to decide which of her belongings to take with her to her new home; space and how we fill it and more on setting up a new home. Stay tuned for next blog entry with more advice on getting clear.

Because Two Cared So Deeply

Friday, October 15th, 2010

I facilitate a five week downsizing course at the Rivier College Institute for Senior Education (55+), RISE. Recently, one woman said her husband is writing his memoirs and the theme  is segregation. Both from the South originally, they had different experiences with segregation and are working on passing along their experiences to their children. I was taken aback when she said that many people don’t know what segregation was about.

Yet another example of so many years having passed that many people and even our culture forget our past. Where we’ve come from. What makes us who we are today. The lessons we are supposed to learn from our history. How we related to other  communities around us.

Another recent example here  in New Hampshire was the closing of the Women’s Business Center for women entrepreneurs. I am 51;  I give you my age so you’ll know that I was not  old enough to understand much about segregation. I understood and lived through more about feminism and the women’s movement. Nevertheless, perhaps because I am interested in our pasts and in history, I’m very aware of where we’ve  come  from.

Back to our conversation. He’s writing his memoirs, and wisely, has chosen a theme to his writing. My classmate wondered who, beyond their family, would eventually be interested in his writings. My automatic reaction was how lucky some institution, college or museum would be to have the writings. I also asked her to think about – no surprise – their “stuff.” Which items could eventually be packaged with his memoirs when he  did gift his writings to an interested institution. What objects do they own which maybe they don’t notice anymore in their home, but would make a broader story, and support his memoirs. For specific possibilities of an eventual gift, if that’s  the way they decide to go, I’d ask Melissa Mannon at ArchivesInfo.

The next interesting observation  from one of the women was commented that this is  what I’m so good at. I think about who else would enjoy what you are giving away and trying to find a new home for. It is a creative occupation to discover the answers sometimes. The question often peaks my curiosity from an historical perspective as well as from the reuse standpoint. I can think more broadly because it’s not my stuff. I don’t know how the item’s been used or how you felt about it. I’m looking for what would interest someone else.

And more  often than we realize, it’s these important items which document our communities and our broader culture for the future.

Imagine what people will  say decades from now when they read this man’s writings and look at the belongings assembled with his writings. The observers will look into the glass museum case or under the glass at the memoir pages. They’ll wonder how this segregation started and ended. How it affected people and our institutions. They’ll know the major players, perhaps family of theirs. They’ll know how we communicated our stories. What objects we used to document the culture at the time.

And because one man and one woman cared  so deeply to pass along  their stories, people will learn lessons, learn where they came from, understand more about their ancestors and their times. What a gift in these fast times.