Posts Tagged ‘death’

Give Your Life a Makeover: What’s Your Next Chapter — July/August Workshops!

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

What’s Next in Your Life?

It’s time for you.

You are: an “empty nester,” a pre-retiree;

widowed; divorced; merging households;

downsizing or are simply looking for what’s next.

Join us to discover:

How to move on.

How to identify & deal with “internal clutter”…

And conquer the “external clutter”…

which both hold you back from moving on.


Join us at “this Field,” a beautiful retreat space.

this Field house only


34 Richardson Road, Milford, NH

Friday, July 30, 2010

9:00 – 12 noon

$65 per person to figure out “what’s next”.

Workshop Leaders

Kathryn May, MSW, Life Coach,Life by Intention, www.lifebyintention.com, Nashua.Email:K.May@LifeByIntention.com Phone: 603.889.6089.

Sue West, Certified Organizer Coach®, Space4U Organizing, www.OrganizeNH.com, Amherst. Email: Sue@OrganizeNH.com Phone: 603.765.9267

Start When You’re Ready.

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

There was the man who had taken care of his spouse for the past seven years. She had passed away about 6 months before I met him. There was the couple, only one of whom had survived a horrific car accident, ten years earlier. The woman whose divorce had been very difficult, a divorce which had been finalized a year prior to our first meeting.  And the woman in therapy, with several major life events behind her in the past two years.

Seven years, ten years, one year, two years.

Each person called when he or she was — what I call  — turning that last corner of those life events and transitions they’d just gone through.

Turning the last corner before moving onto a new chapter. Coming out of the forest, out of the fog, out of the muck, all phrases people have used to describe where they’d been.

I can see clearly now

I can see clearly now

During these times,  our mental energy and time is focused on dealing with our emotions. Getting through life one day at a time. As it needs to be.

What we forget about and don’t see until we’re coming through the fog is what’s happened to our surroundings — our home, our office, even our calendars and how we fill our time.

We’ve let the mail go, so it’s piled up. Or it’s in plastic bags and bins, waiting for us to go through it all, now that we have time.

It’s difficult to find anything in the bill paying or home office space. This room was where we put anything paper, or anything we couldn’t find a home for at that moment. Because the phone was ringing with another doctor’s appointment, or with a new friend asking us to get out of the office and enjoy the sunshine.

Another room has the beginnings of where sorting out was begun but never finished. Life got in the way. Now, who knows which bag holds the donations and which was for recycling.

Things are everywhere, because when we were taking care of someone else, we didn’t have time to stop and think. “Where does this go?”  The phone is ringing with a friend who wants you to go to a museum, so the mail gets dropped on the table for now. But we don’t get back to it; it’s still there a few days later with the next round of mail coming in.

Or our time. You used to have appointments throughout the week to take your spouse to. Now you don’t. You used to spend every Saturday with your mom going to museums and concerts; now there’s a void.

You get the picture. You may have this picture in your home and of your life. It may seem like there is no good place to start.

The fact that you’re thinking about what to do is a huge step in moving on. A few weeks, months or years ago, this didn’t bother you, that your house and belongings were out of sync with who you are, what is important to you, your values, priorities, who you are. But now it does, and that’s the first sign you’re ready to move on with reorganizing your home, your office or your time to reflect where you are today — perhaps with a little bit of who you are becoming.

However long it takes — 7, 10, 1 or 2 years – you’ll know when you’re ready to move on. You’ll feel it. Something shifts in your mind and in your heart. Something will be the last straw, that trigger that says “Okay, I’m ready. Enough. Time to get back to me again.”

That’s when a Certified Professional Organizer(R) can assist. We can be helpful simply by having the appointment “with yourself.”  You may know exactly what needs to get done, but it’s hard to fit into your new life.

Or you don’t know what needs to get done, or aren’t sure where to start — and that’s where we also support, with new skills and systems or collaborating to tailor what you’ve put in place but which has to change to fit the new chapter of your life. We assist you in moving on. We get you started or stay for the duration, whatever works for you, your schedule, your budget and your skills.

But first you have to call. And that will be the second huge step you take towards your next new chapter.  Two steps already. Didn’t seem possible a few days ago, did it? Good for you. Nice work.

Old Me or New Me?

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

blossoming “Blossoms”

You’ve been divorced or perhaps widowed for awhile now — whatever awhile is to you. You’re living in the same home you’ve lived in for all those years but it’s starting to feel different. Something subtle or stark is out of kilter for you.

The difference is that your mindset is changing. You’re ready for creating the next chapter in life. You’ve realized it is time to move on. It’s now your time to create a next chapter. You’re spreading your wings bit by bit, blossoming a little at a time. How can you organize your home to reflect the new or changed “you”? Or your new chapter?

Key questions to ask yourself before you change anything:

#1  As you think about moving forward and creating your next chapter, reflect on what’s important to bring forward with you? Which memories. Which experiences.

Are they represented in your heart or in objects? Does an object trigger a memory? How many are needed to trigger the memory though (as in a collection).

Can you think of someone in your family or extended family who might enjoy some of the collection? Do you need a photograph of you with the collection to remind yourself or not?

#2  Are there special items you don’t really want to keep but you do want kept in your family? You could designate items for certain people and give them as gifts at a birthday, Valentine’s Day, or even at a family reunion. Is anyone setting up house, like a recent graduate, an upcoming wedding ? Is there a gift here? The object AND the memories. The tales, stories, family history.

#3  As you look at each room, ask yourself: what do I want this room to be now? What can I do with the room? Rooms get cluttered easily if they don’t have a purpose for being. Or they have too many purposes! So how can you repurpose this room? And maybe this room needs not only the reorganization but treat yourself to new paint, hiring a decorator, a new closet system, too!

#4  What was the essence of the person you loved and lost. The essence is what you want to keep near you somehow. But it doesn’t mean, as you move forward to your next chapter and on your own, that ALL of his/her things need to make the journey. You’re making a new chapter, so bring the best forward. Create a memory box — just a simple box, however large you see fit, and keep the best memories. On your closet shelf, if the box were kept there, you’d see those memories every day, which may be comforting for awhile still. So what’s the essence of the person and how you can bring that forward with you into your next chapter, and reflected in your home’s organization.

#5  Last question. This will be a sentimental and sometimes difficult time. You may want to work alone so you can privately work through your reorganization. Or the opposite may be true. You may need a friend, counselor or an organizer alongside. Someone to help you walk the path, help you make decisions about which you’ll have no regrets,  and to talk through some of the memories as you say goodbye to objects.  Trust your instincts about whether you need your community around you at this point.

The Tales and the Evidence

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

“ I have learned that what the next generation will value most is not what we owned but the evidence of who we were and the tales of how we loved.” Ellen Goodman, The Boston Globe and Pulitzer prize winning journalist. And a columnist I never missed reading as I was growing up.

I start every class about downsizing with this quote.

“…who we were and the tales of how we loved.”  Doesn’t sound like it’s much about keeping the wok we want to use someday or the French books from college, does it?

But it IS the story telling tradition. Back again and in vogue!

This quote and its meaning are never more poignant, never more clear to us than when someone we love has recently died. It’s so clear that it’s not about our stuff and our toys, but the essence of the person, the tales of how the life was lived, what he/she brought to each one of us, and what we learned. There are always people in my classes who have quite recently experienced the death of someone they loved dearly. The classmates are a wise voice to hear for us all.

Emotionally, downsizing is difficult, but in different ways for each person. At first, the hardest part always seems to be: Where do I start? I have a whole house to go through. We’ve lived here, raised children here, worked and played here, for 30, 40 or more years.

Where do I start?  The understandable feeling of overwhelm is almost contagious, it’s so palpable.

Once we get past that and get started, the hardest part is living up to the quote from Ellen Goodman.

Downsizing is difficult because we’re reviewing our lives. Every object is judged and a decision is made about whether to …  for example, keep all or some of the Hummel collectionHummel embroidery.

We’d taken years to collect our statues. Each Hummel has its own story, so how can we decide? This one was the anniversary edition because we’ve been in the club 20 years. This one was from my favorite aunt, who enjoyed singing, just like the Hummel she gave me. And so on.

If you don’t enjoy collecting them as much as you used to, and if you’d like to pass along the “evidence,” how about taking a photo of the collection, or of you with the collection? You’ll have the visual for your memory. You’ll tell the stories about each statue. You could write down the stories or audio tape yourself. Or what if you went through your collection with the person you’d like to give the statues to. All of these lovely ways to pass along family stories the next generation will retell for you.

What a beautiful way to tell the “tales” of who you’ve been. Tell the stories as you gently pack each statue for its new home. Maybe you’ll keep one or two or a smaller group of favorites, reducing, but not eliminating. Reduce, don’t eliminate — watch words. No regrets decisions is what I espouse and teach.

Right after I give my classes the quote about “evidence” and “tales of how we loved,” we talk about moving forward. I use the phrase “rightsizing” for our next chapter in life.

Sure, of course, it’s necessary that that we tell the tales (and even grieve sometimes) about what we’re gifting to other people, about what we are genuinely giving up of our past.

But go at your own pace, not someone else’s. Take your time. Drop the word “should” from your thinking and language. Whose “should” is it anyway? Not yours, I’ll bet (from experience!)

But once we’ve done that, we need to look at our current life. Where are we headed? Why are we downsizing? What are we looking forward to? What’s coming up? What do we value?

It’s a new chapter, and just like in that book you just finished reading, the end of one chapter is a sad thing sometimes.

But then… remember how you feel with anticipation of starting a new chapter? Or a new book ? And all the excitement that goes with it?

Life is like a book, with many chapters. Live life in chapters.

Possibilities Abound

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

A close friend dropped by recently and brought her mom, looking a bit older than when I’d last seen her.  But who wouldn’t look older – or at least look their years for the first time– when one’s spouse of 50+ years had recently died. No doubt the year-long battle with cancer added more lines than it had the right to, to her soft skinned face. After the funeral, the house was filled with relatives, flowers, grandchildren’s laughter, but no voice of Papa. (more…)