Posts Tagged ‘change’

The Life Change Network

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

I’ve been writing for a few months now for The Life Change Network, with my Organizer Coach hat on. Each month, contributing writers provide articles on a variety of topics related to changes in life – the positive changes and the sorrowful ones. Change is always difficult, even if you decided to make the change.  As John and Deana Ryan, the founders, say:

“We understand that life changes can be difficult. It is our goal to provide you with a community to help you better handle these life changes through education, as well as community that offers mental and emotional support that is practical and helpful.”

They founded the community after experiencing some difficult losses in their lives; they come to this from a place of experience, passion, a desire to pay it forward.

My latest article, Newly Single (Again): Who Deserves A Place in Your Life? offers advice on how to decide who deserves a place in your life, and I use the word “deserves” quite on purpose. Post divorce or after being widowed, there’s a long transition period. At some point in that period, you may find that certain people are not a positive energy for you to be around or they react in difficult ways.

In “6 Steps for Dealing with Difficult People.”  Debbie LaChusa says that their actions are often driven by an emotion such as fear.

” I’ve found that most times when we step back, we find it’s not the person, but the situation that’s difficult.”

Change is difficult. People can appear to be difficult. Look beneath what they’re showing you. Use some of the questions in my article to decide whether they belong in your life, as you move forward.

If you enjoyed these two articles, next month’s theme is “major life changes.” I’m discussing  “Regroup, Remember and Reorganize – The New Three R’s. ” Other upcoming themes are:

June Work-Life Balance
July Choosing Your Path
August Change in Lifestyle / Back-to-School
September Life Lessons
October Overcoming Fears
November Family Dynamics / Holidays
December Holidays / Gratitude

 

So if you’re in need of advice and ideas for dealing with a life change, check out The Life Change Network on Twitter  or Facebook or stop by on the website.

If you haven’t been by my website in awhile, signing up for the newsletter sent every 6 weeks gives you a free copy of  my advice on “Organizing & Life Changes: 10 Suggestions for Organizing through Change.”

 

So Much Change: So Little Time

Monday, January 16th, 2012

You’ve been promoted. You’re engaged. You’ve been solo in your business and you’ve added a virtual assistant. You’re finally getting your knee replaced, something you’ve thought about for awhile. Congratulations! Why does it feel so stressful, when you asked for this change?

It’s that stressful, butterflies-in-the-stomach, sometimes-can’t-breathe feeling, in between the times of pure joy at what lies ahead. But then there’s that stuff, that clutter that’s piled up on your desk. Or your time seems squeezed. Your home has more stuff out and around than usual. Where did that come from and why, when you normally feel in control and organized.

It’s because of the change. If regular life is like calm waters, then a big change like any of these introduces the waves. And like waves running up on the beach, there’s the ebb and flow, the ripple effects, and eventually, a new rhythm to the waves.

Calm waters

What’s happening with these life changes? And what to do to calm the waves?

Let Go and Look Forward

Think about the life changes I listed in the first line. You’re no longer looking out only for yourself; there are more people involved now, to keep track of or care for or to consider as you make decisions. Acknowledge this and you’ll open yourself up to new possibilities, new learning and less stress. Be curious. The stress happens when you won’t let go of how things used to be, to allow the new to have a place in your life.  Your mindset needs to shift.

Break Up Time into Chapters or Phases.

With any change, there’s a period of “Oh, my gosh. How am I going to handle this?” An overwhelming feeling of being frozen in time, not so sure anymore of what to do next, or what will happen next. With your knee replacement for example, think about four phases: preparing for the surgery, the time in the hospital, your move home and physical therapy, and your shift back to regular life. Each phase needs different support, different scheduling, and some reorganization at home (physical and certainly systems).

Tackling one phase, and letting the change sink in keeps you in the moment, less stressed, feeling more in control, and also more open to the next phase or chapter.

Give Up Some Control

My experience is that the more we try to control what are unpredictable circumstances (or people), the more stress we experience. When I was a manager, the most structured people had the most difficult time with change. The people who were more laid back had a far easier time of it; they rolled with the changes.

Decide what your have-to-haves are because it will be easier to let go if you know your priorities. Think about other times of change in your life. Rediscover ways you found calm in the midst of the oversized waves.

For example, for me, during different life changes, my calm has been created by: quiet time in the early morning, exercise, a book I could lose myself in, music, puzzles, and my lists.

For different organizing clients, their calm has been: regular time with children or grandchildren; a regular date with their spouse, partner or closest friends; playing the piano; the movies; tea; walking in the woods; 8 hours sleep.

Be sure to create this bit of time for yourself. It will have a wonderful rippling effect.  How do you calm the waves when they get a little too stormy for you?

 

Organizing: How Do You Know It’s Working?

Monday, December 5th, 2011

“It’s like my feet are in concrete blocks, holding me down. I am sinking and can’t do anything about it.”

“It’s like a monkey on my back. I can’t imagine spending time on my hobbies until that monkey’s off my back. I’d feel guilty otherwise.”

How do you know if your organizing systems are working? How do you know if the work you’re doing with a professional organizer is having results?

There are many ways to measure whether and how your systems are working – or your work with a professional organizer is working. This is one way, a creative way, to figure it out.

I explain it in article I was asked to write for the San Diego chapter newsletter of the National Association of Professional Organizers.

You’ll read about how this technique can work for you, why it works, along with a variety of examples to inspire and motivate you to create your own.

Think you’re not very good at coming up with metaphors? No worries. I always thought that, too, however I’ve learned this is like a muscle you exercise. Once you start thinking this way, you’ll find  metaphors very useful.  Try out some of these examples first, and see which might resonate for you.

Here’s the link to the newsletter.  See page 8 for my article on metaphors and how they can measure progress.

Organizing that Works    *This file will take a minute to load but it well worth the wait – the full newsletter’s here.*

What metaphors have supported your organizing work, as a client or a professional organizer?

Changes Interrupt Us – Power Outage All Week

Saturday, November 5th, 2011

Living in New Hampshire, we know our big weather is our snowstorms. This year’s October snowstorm was our third largest power outage in history, following the December 2008 Ice Storm and February 2010 Wind Storm.  Snowfall is the most in New Hampshire for October in 140 years. My photos only show you what I saw during the week from my neighborhood. You don’t see the downed wires, the piles of branches by the roadside, the shelters (pet-friendly!) which many people went to.

We bought a generator after two major storms in the past two years, plus several smaller ones. Power/internet/phone were out for a week -two weeks each time.  Seemed to be a new way of life, a “new normal.” We are, I realize, fortunate. We extended friends and  neighbors an invitation to use showers, spend the night or whatever they needed. And plowed out a neighbor from the snowfall when she had trouble.

This outage was an interruption in life, just as major life events such as empty nesting or caregiving or marriage can change our way of life.

Just differently – and yet  flexibility, adaptability, and other  coping skills are required here, too.

I learn something new each storm or outage about how to better organize before, during or after. And, judging from client comments, we all had some insights this past week.

Sleep, quiet time, exercise and eating – at least on a fairly regular schedule, if not healthy – are important, to me,  to keep my head on straight and deal with it all. I protect this, because it helps everyone around me as well.

Power working has its limits: As much as I was delighted by the quiet, uninterrupted work time, four days in a row brought on mental  fatigue, i.e., I get absent-minded, distracted and find it harder to focus on the one thing I’m doing. The fourth day in, I caught a few mistakes in detailed work, happily before they left my desk. But what didn’t I catch? Next time, I’ll be more mindful. I’ll break up the day, have transition tasks to give my brain something different to work on or have fun with – like playing ball with my dog, Sanford – more of this would have helped. 

An “on the go” to do list: I keep my work/home to do list in Excel with colors separating aspects of my business, and one color for personal things I need to do during the workday. So categories are: coaching, onsite organizing, my book, workshops, NAPO/ICD professional positions/volunteering, personal, etc.

Orderly yet creative – a nice mix. And the structure forces me to think in smaller steps (read: less procrastination, easier to get started!) During this storm, I added a new column, “Needs internet or email.”

We had access to one car during the storm, and one of us had to be at home dog sitting and generator-sitting at all times. So my office mate and I traded off time spent at our local cafe which had internet access. I sorted my list by “Needs internet/email” when I arrive at The Black Forest and quickly got those things done.

Don’t add anything more – unless you’re being generous to a neighbor: During times of change, whether it’s a big change in your life or something like this, resist the urge to add more.  Someone asks you a big favor. You’re asked to head a committee. Wait until the change is over or under control. You’ll have greater clarity.

Every once in awhile, stop the technology. I loved the uninterrupted time. I cause my own interruptions when I stray from my project or marketing to check that one email, read that one post – which turns into a half hour. The quiet, uninterrupted, singular focus was delightful and energizing.

Coming back from an interruption or change in schedules, don’t expect to get caught up your first day back. The world has gone on … so take it one priority at a time.

“The Ache and Necessity of Change”– Maya Stein

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Last  night, a beautiful “10-line Tuesday” poem arrived in my e-mail.  A new client sent it, I believe because the poem explains how she sees the value of our organizing and coaching collaboration. I can’t wait to talk with her more about the poem.

Before meeting with people, I send some questions to cause reflection, to think deeply about what matters – what one really wants out of the organization. What it will mean, beyond “save time, money and reduce stress.” What it will now allow one to do, to be, or to move on, freely, leaving behind what needs to stay in the last chapter.

In my mind, the poem talks about growth, change and moving on — all reasons people wrestling with life’s changes decide to regroup, reorganize and remember – so that they handle the changes and can move on to their next chapter.

old and new

We have such awe for the caterpillar. Reverence, even,
for its slow molting, for the poetry of its transformation. We watch, transfixed,
as it wrestles out of what was – that permeable, earthbound skin –
and catches the first whiff of flight. It’s not that the metaphor is lost
on us. We recognize the magnificence and rigor of metamorphosis, the ache
and necessity of change. But the turn of our own body we thwart and battle.
Our hearts cleave from an outgrown home but we groove claw marks in our wake –
departure like a hostile beast. Perhaps it’s the fulcrum in the see-saw that alarms.
That pause between the past waving its farewell and the future opening its palms.

http://www.papayamaya.blogspot.com/

What would help you to wrestle out of what is or what was and move on?  What would you need to let go of or leave behind?