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Letting Go of Your High School Senior

Friday, April 29th, 2011
Grandmother & granddaughter attending our Smith College reunions together.

2002. Grandmother & granddaughter attending Smith College reunion together.

When I think of “letting go,” as an organizing coach, I think about our stuff, our habits which no longer serve us, and our internal clutter. I hadn’t thought about high school seniors !

It started about a year ago, as clients and friends moved through college applications, senior year events and prepared for a graduation celebration.  I started hearing: “I wonder what it will be like next year when he’s/she’s gone.”

Times of change are prime times to ask for additional support to make it easier to move on to your next chapter. I work mainly with people who have gone through one or more of these significant life events – some sad, some happy, many bittersweet.

Support can be in the form of brainstorming, ideas from other clients, insights, perspective and cheering on your behalf. Belief in you, even when your belief may not be as strong as it usually is.

Ideas for how you can model your life organizing skills as they prepare to leave home.

Work on these together. Teach what you know as you model it and share your words of wisdom.

Get  ready for their new home.

What day is your child returning or starting college? Create your dorm room list of what you need to buy or find at your home to send them off in August.

If you start your list now, before the emotions set in too heavily, your mind’s clearer to come up with your best list.

And, you’ll have several months to spend the time and money on things, rather than having big bills in August.

Avoid last minute purchases here or at college. You’ll pay more than what you wanted and/or won’t get quite the product you wanted.

How  does your young adult handle change and stress?

What happens during periods of high stress – like being away from home for such a long time, living with a roommate perhaps for the first time and all the other stresses of this new chapter she’s about to start. On her own. Without family to be right there with her? Discuss it. Plan for it.

How does her ADD show up day-to-day? Spend time working with your high school senior discussing how he/she will manage this aspect of life.

Has your young adult ever been away for a few weeks or more; use that experience to figure out what worked and what was most difficult. Begin the college conversation with his strengths.

Talk with friends who have older college-aged children. What is a typical day like? And a weekend? What were the challenges? How can you two figure out some of this together? Can you review a schedule together?

What does the school have for support for the young adult with ADD? With a learning disability? With a chronic medical issue? How will you continue work with the specialists at home?

A smaller version of their stuff

Your adult child will likely stubbornly refuse to believe that everything he owns cannot fit into the dorm room.

Teaching moment: How can you help your high school senior decide on a smaller version of her clothes and other belongings?

This is a great time for reflection and discussion together on what deserves space in the college dorm room.

And on what will make a dorm room feel  like “home?”

How will you organize contact with each other once she’s there?

Sunday night phone calls home? Email? Facebook contact? How often is often enough so he feels supported by the  home front but not so tied that he doesn’t quite leave the nest mentally?

My 30th year  college reunion is this year. I don’t remember how my parents handled my last summer at home, but I DO remember they wrote me a letter to take with me.

On lined,  yellow 8 1/2 x 14 paper, dad’s handwriting communicated their words of wisdom on all fronts of my new chapter ahead.

How  will you do all of this for your new college freshman?

Too much going on? Need additional support to figure out all of this? Meet with me for 1, 2 or 3 hours. Meet with me by phone or in person.

Resources/related reading:

What to bring to college.  http://www.campusgrotto.com/what-to-bring-to-college.html

Recommended by Linda Samuels, author, Professional Organizer, a book she read as her daughter left for her freshman year:   http://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fifth-Parents-Understanding/dp/0061665738

Heart-felt words of wisdom from mom blogger, Wendy Thomas, as her son temporarily left the roost for his High School robotics team at the FIRST National competition in St. Louis. http://simplethrift.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/lesson-305-words-for-my-little-chick-who-is-away/

The Old College Pry – from The Gypsy Nesters (life after kids blog): http://www.gypsynester.com/tk.htm

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Posted in AD/HD, Next Chapter, Summertime | No Comments »

10 Ways to Declutter Your Mind

Monday, April 25th, 2011

Declutter your brain

Declutter your mind.

It’s the fastest way to combat that feeling of constant distraction.

That nagging feeling that you’ve forgotten something – or someone.

Declutter and you’ll find focus again.

My mind starts working in too many directions.

Think: pinball machine, with way too many pin-balls flying around.

And what happens when we don’t focus on just one of those pinballs?

We drop the other balls. The others drop through the gate.

We lose. We get stressed.

Stress and clutter are tightly linked for me and many people I organize and coach with.

Is it like this for you?

I start forgetting things.

I say things which aren’t quite what I mean – not as articulate as I like to be.

I don’t listen as well; I’m not as present.

I don’t get as much done – in my personal or my business life, cuz it’s all just too darn cluttered up in my head.

10 Ways to Declutter Your Mind

  1. Pick something, ANYTHING and finish it.Don’t waste time deciding if it’s the “right” thing to finish. The point is to start making those pinballs go away, one by one.
  2. Write down whatever is in your head. On whatever is available. Don’t go looking for the perfect list or notepad or your phone. Grab whatever is nearby and just get it out of your head. Later, sit with your temporary list. Think about and process each item on the list. Decide what deserves space on  your regular  task/to do/next actions  list. Consolidate.
  3. Walk away from your desk. Go do something. Get some energy out of your body. I go out to the deck and take a few deep breaths. I walk away from work and I see things differently.
  4. Use your phone, tape recorder, Dragon software or anything that will hold your voice. Record everything in your head. The specific tool does not matter. What does matter is that if you’re highly verbal, talking out loud to declutter your brain will be more effective for you.
  5. Create  something if you’re artistic. This could be something beautiful made of fabric or it could be a  visual mind map. Take a break to clear your head and  process while you take the creativity break. Or draw the mindmap if that will help get stuff out of your head. The non linear, creative and kinesthetic all  tied into one.
  6. Take a walk and literally, go smell the flowers. Let the  aroma fill your senses and clear your head. Get perspective and then see if you still need to write  down what’s in your head. You may just have needed perspective or a break.
  7. Call up your accountability partner, your friend,  your organizing coach. Talk out loud about everything that’s in your head, or that one thing you can’t  figure out on  your own. Talking it through out loud, with some good and powerful questions, will release the clutter and you’ll start  solving whatever that problem is you’re wrestling with.
  8. What do you need to let go of? And how have you let go of other things; would that work in this situation?
  9. How else can you occupy your mind – fidget to focus (ADHD book title) is apt here – if you listen to music or a book while you work, would that clear the clutter and allow some focus?
  10. Go play with your dog. Call your child/grandchild/nephew. Step into work or out of work, depending on where your head is at.

And Then Going Forward:

How did your mind get cluttered to begin with?

Answer that question each time you feel this way, and you’ll get to your own set of insights.

Some options until  then:

  • Use a calendar and a to do list. Appointments versus stuff to do.
  • Keep a projects list.
  • To trap your creative ideas you don’t want to forget, buy or repurpose something beautiful. Something unusual.
  • Take time in the a.m., mid day and definitely end of the day to empty your head.
  • Begin to notice how much you can handle in a day, what your limits are, and what causes the cluttered mind feeling ?
  • Notice how certain people affect your feeling of a cluttered mind or whether it’s  certain types of projects.
  • Is it a certain time of day – then clear the clutter as you begin that part of the day.
  • Sometimes,  it’s the feelings around the stuff, not the stuff itself. Learn to notice how you’re feeling and recognize what the real, root cause is. Get this under control and things will seem calmer.

So what’s decluttering your mind these days? And how can I support your decluttering efforts?


Resources:

Stress management posts by 22 organizers/other professionals – requested & aggregated by Calahan Solutions, productivity specialists.

Coaching/organizing: Click here for support.

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ADD and Finances

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

You have or know someone who has ADD and they’re having trouble keeping their finances managed/organized. This post is for you and for them. For you, the non ADDer, to understand what’s going on and to read about typical beliefs  around money are for ADDers. And for you, with ADD, you may finally understand that what you are going through is quite typical … for someone with ADD. Understanding and acceptance leads to solutions.

I’m in an international,  professional group called the Institute for Challenging Disorganization and we have extraordinary educational classes available to us. Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D. presented “Helping ADHD Clients Organize Their Finances” last night.

Stephanie is a psychotherapist, author of four books about ADD and a coach. She is nationally requested expert, with a blog on Psychology Today, and published in the Journal of Attention  Disorders, Smart Money magazine and The Huffington Post. Appearances on  CNN, ABC, Fox and others round out her resume.

A few points of advice from Stephanie are below, along with my interpretations of how  this would benefit my clients and others with ADD, friends, people you live with  –

Stephanie’s question to ask yourself: what would it look like/feel like if you were doing  well with your money?

My thoughts: This question or its  answer is important because managing your finances is a means, not the end. What’s the end? What you want to do with your money you’ll have. How would you feel about yourself.

Stephanie’s advice for the non-ADDer: ADDers think “now” and “not now.” So asking an ADDer to think ahead and save for retirement? Not  going to be productive. Instead, set up immediate, 1 year, 5 year goals. Immediate is bills. One year might be pay off the car. Set up goals and work together to break into smaller steps.

Stephanie: Call it “a spending plan,” not a “budget.”Reframing to the positive and interesting was a significant point she returned to time and again.

Me: Say those words out loud, and feel the  difference. Budget: restrain,deprivation,negative,  right? Spending plan: Wow. Great. Fun. I decide. So much in our language.

Stephanie: Your spending plan needs to  identify “wants,” as different from “needs.” A non ADDer can tell the difference, but the prson with ADD usually can’t. Everything is a need.

Me: The question isn’t “How can I afford this…”  assuming it’s a need, not a want all the time. The question is “Can I afford this.” Yes/no, rather than how. How comes after the first question. So assist the person with understanding the differences.

Stephanie: Introduce streamlining into your financial management. Simplify, automate, get software, hire out.

Make it easy, not a chore. Paperless equals less clutter.

This simplicity can apply to what you keep or toss/shred, how you pay bills, how you save, how you create a filing system for what you keep.

She shared much more with us, much to think about and bring to clients.

If this is an issue for you or someone you know, love or live with, please direct them to her website, Facebook page, blog or follow her on twitter or even on Youtube for people who would prefer to listen to her advice. The first step is awareness and then education.Stephanie’s focus was in how we organizers can support our clients once they are ready for dealing with these issues around finance. She was tremendously helpful and practical. And you know, there must be so much more in her books, blog and on twitter – so follow her and start your journey.

To your organized finances.

Sue

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At Work/Home Office: “I Can’t Get Out from Under.”

Monday, December 27th, 2010

Dear Sue:

I work hard and I get a lot done, but I know I can be more efficient and effective. I started my business 7 years ago and as it’s grown, I haven’t changed how I work, haven’t changed my systems much. Lately, I can’t seem to get out from under and it’s affecting me not only at work but also at home.

I’m ready to work with a professional – just as I hired a personal trainer for my exercise program– I guess I need an outside perspective. I also want to mention that I’ve been diagnosed with ADD; I don’t know if that has an effect or not, but thought I’d mention it.

This is someone who is ready for their next chapter in their business and in their whole life. He or she is ready to have an organizing and systems coach, someone from the outside, take a look inside the business.

How does work get done in a small business. What are the sticking points with personal productivity. Where are the issues with customer service or workflow? What systems are in place, need  fine-tuning or need to be created? Particularly in a small business, we wear all the hats, so we often discuss roles in the company.

With many clients, the discussion begins with his or her values and strengths as well as what gives the most energy – which kinds of roles and tasks.

We figure out how to capitalize on the strengths and focus more time there. Other roles get reduced or moved to someone inside or outside the company, a choice we make together.

With another coaching client, it was key to focus on the current work instead of the paper piles and emails which were getting in his way.

With another it was balancing the small business with the full time job, using organizing systems to keep all these balls in the air, juggling while it was necessary as the business started on its way.

For another client it was finding new ways to deal with the high volume of emails – working virtually, email was the main communication, and it was overwhelming her with the rest of her work.

And for another, it was processing the incoming papers, both personal and business. From this, systems were created and ultimately, some of this work was delegated.

Organizing plus coaching or coaching alone — a key ingredient to success.

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What’s NOT Wrong with Your Organizing System?

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Next time you decide that one of your organizing systems isn’t working, before doing anything about it, stop and ask yourself this question:

What’s  NOT wrong?

I’m reading Peace Is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh. If you need to slow down and start your day calmly, this is a wonderful book for that.

He talks about how when we ask “What’s wrong?” …We invite seeds of sorrow … We would be much happier if we tried to stay in touch with the healthy, joyful seeds inside of us and around us. “

So look for the beauty and joy in our breathing, in the  sun shining and all those other things we see but don’t see during our rushed daily lives. Learn to appreciate what’s there.

Why apply this question to your organizing system?

Because you’ll see that  you have more good in that system than you realized.

Systems are complicated.

Just think about when you walk in the door at the end of the day. Where do you put your keys, cell phone, pocketbook and the stuff you bring in from the car?

Home organizingYour system includes:

Where you put the stuff (products, place, a home);

Whether you consistently put all your things in the  same place (the people part of  the equation, the habit you need to get into);

And the process itself: you do something with  your keys, something else with your phone, and something else with your pocketbook. And then you move into the house proper to do other things.

People, Products or Process?

The system may be just the right process and use some  terrific products, but if it’s a new process or a new product, it will take awhile to become a habit. (21 times of use for most, and even longer if you have ADD). Message: Don’t give up too soon.

The system may not work exactly how we’d envisioned — but that’s the  difference between the idea and its implementation. Theory and practice. If the system works well enough to keep track of your phone, etc., then it IS working, just not as designed. Message: let it go.

The system may work for you, but if it’s a system other household members need to use, have you considered how they’re wired, how they think and what they’re already doing ? Message: What’s the path of least resistance to get them to follow your system? Or, is it too tightly designed around your individual preferences?

The system, process and  habits may be working but the organizing products don’t fit what they’re supposed to hold. So then you start putting your pocketbook somewhere else, because the shelf just didn’t have quite enough room. Or the  bins don’t quite fit the stuff, so you leave stuff on top or in front of the bins. Message: Buy products last, and consider growth. Measure what goes into the product and also where that product needs to fit.

So what’s NOT wrong with your organizing system? What’s working well? Is there enough to tweak and fine tune the system or do you really need to design a whole  new system.

People, Products, Process - the equation for a well functioning organizational system, at home or at work.

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