Summertime

What’s up for Summertime?

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011


I heard Suze Orman on TV recently at the gym. You may have heard her say: “People first, then money, then things.” Think about that order for a second.

Today,  she talked about our economy since 2008 … that we need to to let it go, the idea that things will return to the way they were. But the good side, she continued, is that we are “returning to basic American values.”

Our values, in a few short words, describe who we are, what we are passionate about, what matters the most. Courage, excellence, learning, self-awareness, creativity,integration, knowledge – all values I’ve heard from coaching conversations.

When we organize our lives based on our values, we are in sync,  in flow, comfortable in our skin – however you feel it, you know it. And we know when something doesn’t fit quite right in our life. “A life that fits” begins with knowing your values and builds from there.

Back to summertime

As we approach summertime, we’ll have a blank slate, or at least a different pace in our lives and for our time. In education, you may not work or you may do something very different. If you’re in a company or at a college, you may work a shorter work week. And if you work for yourself, you can do any of those. Choices, choices.

As the graduations and parties finish up, as we move into our summer schedules, think about what’s important to you. This will help you make those choices.

Haven’t thought about values or what you stand for in awhile? If you’ve recently gone through a major life change, now is a great time to check in with yourself. Your circumstances have changed; have you, perhaps?

Use the list of values below as a start. Add your own, refine or start from scratch. This is where we often start in coaching for organizing.

One of two things happens to us

  1. Our summertime weekends fill up. Our days get packed. It happened so suddenly we think.
  2. Or we don’t see this right off and end up in chaos, in the middle of the  summer, wondering where “all the time went.”

So there’s still time right now!

How would you like to spend your time?

Think about your values and what’s important to you, for summertime.

Priorities may very well be different this time of year; stop, think and acknowledge this, so you can do something .

What’s the “do something?”

  1. Do your values exercise.
  2. Take out your calendar.
  3. Rough estimates: how much time are you spending on what matters to you? No tallying here, just a glance at this week/weekend to see how your time is spent.
  4. What’s getting in the way – who and what are your obstacles to living based on what matters – your obligatory events you don’t really want to attend, the people who take up your time or drag you down, too much grandchild sitting, no babysitter.
  5. Getting rid of and letting go of what gets in the way is, I know, the hard part. How do we blow up the rocks that are in our way? We meet the issue (the rock) head on. Or we look at different perspectives, which offer us choices (go around the rock, under the rock, above the rock). And sometimes, we need to know what’s missing from our path before we can let go of what’s there.

Don’t get stuck staring at the boulder in front of you. How? Become aware of where you are now, what’s important to you and what’s in the way.

Live to your values and a lot will be easier.

Sample values list –

Accountability

Affection

Autonomy

Competency

Courage

Courtesy

Creativity

Discipline

Drive

Excellence

Fairness

Flexibility

Forgiveness

Honesty

Humor

Knowledge

Loyalty

Obedience

Order

Reason

Service

Tolerance

If you’d like support exploring your values, that’s where we start in coaching for organizing.

Letting Go of Your High School Senior

Friday, April 29th, 2011
Grandmother & granddaughter attending our Smith College reunions together.

2002. Grandmother & granddaughter attending Smith College reunion together.

When I think of “letting go,” as an organizing coach, I think about our stuff, our habits which no longer serve us, and our internal clutter. I hadn’t thought about high school seniors !

It started about a year ago, as clients and friends moved through college applications, senior year events and prepared for a graduation celebration.  I started hearing: “I wonder what it will be like next year when he’s/she’s gone.”

Times of change are prime times to ask for additional support to make it easier to move on to your next chapter. I work mainly with people who have gone through one or more of these significant life events – some sad, some happy, many bittersweet.

Support can be in the form of brainstorming, ideas from other clients, insights, perspective and cheering on your behalf. Belief in you, even when your belief may not be as strong as it usually is.

Ideas for how you can model your life organizing skills as they prepare to leave home.

Work on these together. Teach what you know as you model it and share your words of wisdom.

Get  ready for their new home.

What day is your child returning or starting college? Create your dorm room list of what you need to buy or find at your home to send them off in August.

If you start your list now, before the emotions set in too heavily, your mind’s clearer to come up with your best list.

And, you’ll have several months to spend the time and money on things, rather than having big bills in August.

Avoid last minute purchases here or at college. You’ll pay more than what you wanted and/or won’t get quite the product you wanted.

How  does your young adult handle change and stress?

What happens during periods of high stress – like being away from home for such a long time, living with a roommate perhaps for the first time and all the other stresses of this new chapter she’s about to start. On her own. Without family to be right there with her? Discuss it. Plan for it.

How does her ADD show up day-to-day? Spend time working with your high school senior discussing how he/she will manage this aspect of life.

Has your young adult ever been away for a few weeks or more; use that experience to figure out what worked and what was most difficult. Begin the college conversation with his strengths.

Talk with friends who have older college-aged children. What is a typical day like? And a weekend? What were the challenges? How can you two figure out some of this together? Can you review a schedule together?

What does the school have for support for the young adult with ADD? With a learning disability? With a chronic medical issue? How will you continue work with the specialists at home?

A smaller version of their stuff

Your adult child will likely stubbornly refuse to believe that everything he owns cannot fit into the dorm room.

Teaching moment: How can you help your high school senior decide on a smaller version of her clothes and other belongings?

This is a great time for reflection and discussion together on what deserves space in the college dorm room.

And on what will make a dorm room feel  like “home?”

How will you organize contact with each other once she’s there?

Sunday night phone calls home? Email? Facebook contact? How often is often enough so he feels supported by the  home front but not so tied that he doesn’t quite leave the nest mentally?

My 30th year  college reunion is this year. I don’t remember how my parents handled my last summer at home, but I DO remember they wrote me a letter to take with me.

On lined,  yellow 8 1/2 x 14 paper, dad’s handwriting communicated their words of wisdom on all fronts of my new chapter ahead.

How  will you do all of this for your new college freshman?

Too much going on? Need additional support to figure out all of this? Meet with me for 1, 2 or 3 hours. Meet with me by phone or in person.

Resources/related reading:

What to bring to college.  http://www.campusgrotto.com/what-to-bring-to-college.html

Recommended by Linda Samuels, author, Professional Organizer, a book she read as her daughter left for her freshman year:   http://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-Fifth-Parents-Understanding/dp/0061665738

Heart-felt words of wisdom from mom blogger, Wendy Thomas, as her son temporarily left the roost for his High School robotics team at the FIRST National competition in St. Louis. http://simplethrift.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/lesson-305-words-for-my-little-chick-who-is-away/

The Old College Pry – from The Gypsy Nesters (life after kids blog): http://www.gypsynester.com/tk.htm

Easing into Fall

Friday, August 20th, 2010

fall foliage 2009 002 Instead of falling into Fall this year, what would it feel like if we eased into it?

We’re so reluctant to let  go of summertime weather, its different pace and shorter (or no) to do lists, that we hang on as long as we can. Sure, we had times during the summer when we wished for more structure … especially when the kids or grandkids asked “what can I do today?” for what seemed like the nine hundredth time. Our creativity wore out at some point and – dare I write it – we longed for different times.

So we hang on to that summertime feeling. Whatever it was to you, it’s waning. Oh, you’re mad at me now, for even writing that, I know, I know! I can barely admit it’s almost Fall  myself !

You feel it in the air, as you hear about or take  the kids going shopping for school clothes and supplies. You feel it as you drive by cars stuffed with the new college freshman’s world. You remember your school and college years as all this happens.

This all reminds me of returning home after a vacation.

Some people will arrive home and quickly get the house back in order because that’s how they need to transition into real life. (I don’t know what else to call it, though I don’t like the phrase myself!)

Others of us delay doing the vacation laundry as long as we can, perhaps not even unpacking the suitcase as a way to retain that vacation feeling.  Trouble is, the longer we wait, the more real life takes over and eventually we feel out of control.

We still have a toe in the vacation waters and can’t quite let  go. But if we don’t get focused on this moment, the train of life keeps moving and can run us over.

We all transition differently — I’ve given a list of ideas below I hope will be useful to you, so that you ease into Fall more easily this year.

Celebrate the summer in a big way. Have a party and relive your favorite memories. Or simply a special family dinner or barbecue. The conversation focuses on best times of the summer, not what’s coming up. It’s one way to close out the old and get your mind ready for the new.

Change your schedule just a little bit at a time. I know you want to wait as long as you can, but remember what happened last year  when you jolted your body into waking up two hours earlier, or going to bed at such a different time? I’m suggesting 15-30 minutes at a time. Get used to that and then add a little more.  We can usually find 15 minutes if we look carefully enough.

Calendars and lists. If you threw your calendar/list away or simply didn’t need to look at it as often over the summer, inch it back into your view. Literally.

Start looking ahead. After you’ve taken a week or so to eventually welcome that calendar back into your life, start looking ahead. If you know you have a jazz band concert to get kids ready for at the end of September, what has to get done before the concert date arrives? Outfits, lessons, tune up, buying music, rehearsals … all these can  go  onto your calendar. Work backwards from the event date; visualize yourselves there. What led up to that date? What had to happen and by when?

Particularly when you transition from summer to Fall, it’s helpful to write down  more than you’re used to. You’re effectively retraining your brain to hold more stuff than it has over the summer, or at least different stuff.   After awhile, ease up if things go smoothly, but when you first start a habit,  watch it like a hawk. Get solid, then ease up. It’s a faster way to instill a new habit.

Get back to exercise, meditation, or me-time. Sometimes we give it up over the summer because our schedules are more flexible or not as stressful. We feel  like we don’t need it as much. If you let it lapse over the summer, getting back to it as your schedule heats up will feel good  (doing something for yourself, just for you) … and will help you manage life more easily.  If you’re a grandparent sitting for your grandchildren, keep a balance of  “babysitter” time when you play that role, with true “grandparent” time. Set some boundaries for what you need from  your time.

Don’t use “back to school” or “Labor Day weekend” as a deadline for too much. We use events to mark deadlines for projects we’d forgotten about or back-burnered. Now is not the time to paint your den, renovate or undertake other, voluntary, large projects. You already have a lot on your plate,physically and mentally. Why add more complexity, risk and chaos? Even if you thrive on chaos, does everyone else in your household? What you can do is break downthe small steps leading up the painting,  and get this done gradually.

And celebrate Fall. A favorite saying, from Alexander Graham Bell: “When one door closes, we often look so long and regretfully at it that we don’t see the door that opens before us.”  What do you like about Fall, or the return to this schedule? What new opportunities and possibilities are over the horizon do you think? What could you plan for late September, to celebrate Fall and begin looking forward to it?

So what’s one thing you can do, to ease into Fall a little more easily this year?

Whose Vacation is it Anyway?

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Sometimes we get frustrated. We save our money and our time. We spend time traveling to our destination. And at the end of vacation, sometimes we can get frustrated. We waited all year for this time but it wasn’t what we expected. Why not? You may not have realized whose vacation it was … or what YOU really wanted from vacation. Make these questions part of your travel and vacation planning and you’ll be happier.

Key Question #1

Making it around that last corner

Making it around that last corner

Whose interests are you mainly planning the vacation around? It’s important if you’re traveling with friends, parents, or children to answer this question honestly.

For example, if you’re traveling with parents, revisiting places they went in their younger years, it’s really their vacation.

You’re along for the ride and it’s a fascinating one. In my book, they get more votes on where to go. If there are activities you want do but they physically can’t, ask yourself how important those activities are to you, compared to spending time with them. Can you return here another time?

If you’re traveling with friends, agree ahead of time on how often you’ll see each other.

Will you go off on your own during the day and meet up for meals or just at dinner? Will you plan some activities together and be honest with each other when you need time away from each other?

If traveling as families, is it the childrens’ vacation? How can you figure in some time to get out of vacation what you want?

So, ahead of vacation, figure out what you want. Make it known. Ask for what you need on your vacation. More on that below.

With expectations aligned before you leave, your vacation with family/pals is more relaxing. “Oh, right. Remember we said that we would … ” And, it’s easier to let go of less important wants/needs, in favor of what others want/need to do, too. Opens up new opportunities.

Key Question #2: What do You Want from Vacation?

Yes, you. Only you. Forget about everyone else just for a few minutes. Stop & think.

What kind of vacation is this? Is it mainly a do-nothing-much-but-enjoy-sitting-and-reading-on-the-porch read type of vacation?  Is it a go-go-go all day vacation? What’s your primary focus for the destination you’ve chosen.
Scheduled or not? How do you relax?   Are you on a schedule to see the sights? Sleeping in? sleeping in for the mornings? Going out at night or staying in?
What kind of food do you need while you’re on vacation? Are you on a diet or eating certain foods for your health? Love to eat out and don’t get to at home? Ask for what you need.
Exercise: Will you keep it going while you’re on vacation? Will you use the same routine as at home or try something new? Give it up for the vacation? Answer this question before you book your vacation spot.
How connected do you want to be on this vacation? Agree ahead of time whether you’ll take the Blackberry, the phones, or a PC. And if you do, do you have to be available all day, or could you select certain hours when you’ll check in?  Or your phone number’s available to your virtual assistant but only to him/her? That option gives you control instead of allowing in the rest of the world.
Just agree together on what you’ll do, so expectations are clear up front.

Summer Schedule Changes: Or the Living Won’t be Easy.

Monday, June 21st, 2010

Cape Cod Beach View

Moms, entrepreneurs, grandparents – whatever your role is, we all feel it.

With anticipation, both positive and stress-filled, we wait for that last day of school or the summer work calendar which changes our schedule beginning in June.

The problem is that we often don’t plan for it, and then try to do everything we normally do. We squeeze in time for those additional summer activities.  In our business, we think we can be as productive as we are the rest of the year. Not so.

We end up feeling like our time is splintered; there are too many pieces to our pie chart of a summer day schedule.

Solutions follow — Tips for how to change your schedule, expectations and have a calmer summer season.