Memories

Reorganizing Traditions! French Meat Pies.

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Simplifying and updating our traditions to fit our lives – I’ve written and spoken about this lately. And  so today, we have a guest blog post, from my friend, Donna, about how her family has continued important tradition,  but modified it with each generation to make it “theirs.”

Matriarchs & Meat Pies

Back to the days of my great, great grandmother at least, our family has enjoyed the tradition of the making of French meat pies for a traditional New Year’s Day party. The tradition originated with our family in Melansonville, Nova Scotia.

These days, I make the family meat pies with my two oldest nephews. They have no idea how unique they are, in this tradition.

Tradition says that the matriarchs make the meat pies, and the children do not assist. The females wait their turn which is when the current matriarchs can no longer handle the responsibility.

So my grandmother (Memere) made the meat pies with her sister, Aunt Leonie, until the ends of their lives.  My mom, Yvette took over, with her sister, Dot.

I could watch, with my younger brother, but we never helped because that was not our role. Making the meat pies indicated who the matriarchs were, and they were strong women, my family.

Back then, the women made 30-35 meat pies. It’s a lot, yes, but even more of a feat when you know that the pies were made in a kitchenette, which measures about 4 ½ feet square.

When the meat pies are ready for storage, we put them on the front porch. And each year, another part of our meat pies tradition is to pray for cold weather – not cold enough to freeze the pies, but cold enough to keep the meat  fresh!  These days, the porch is glassed in, but it was open air back in the day.

Some Changes – “Firsts”

My dad was the first male to help make pies. My mother was the last surviving female of her generation, so as she aged and had health issues he got involved, although she supervised and did what she could.  As gentle and loving as he was in taking care of my mom, he also used those skills as he took on a role in meat pie cooking.  He is Portuguese, and back then, the marriage of a French woman and Portuguese man was frowned upon, and nearly disallowed by the church and their families.  So this was, indeed, a special honor he was given, on many levels.

I am the first to involve children. My two eldest, twin nephews helped make the meat pies beginning at the age of seven.  We have great fun as we discuss life at their age and love the time we spend,  just us.  Last year, it was a discussion of how we’d structure our French meat pie making business.  Who the CEO, CFO and chief baker would be.

My housemate has helped for as long as I have made the meat pies.  And my cousin has also helped. So we’ve mixed it up a bit, but we continue the tradition every year.

We share the pie outside family.  My dad’s social group meets at the local McDonald’s almost daily. They go out dancing and take field trips together.

So he has a new tradition based on meat pies. He has a party for his group and it’s in February near the date of my mother’s passing. He serves meat pies; we make extra for just this purpose.  I love that we honor her in this way.

Special ingredients: My meme’s friend first did this.  She had run out of milk to brush on the crusts so that when you pinch the bottom and top crusts together, they stay together.  She licked her two fingers and pinched!  So, just to be funny, each year, my meme, my mother and now I lick our fingers for one pie crust, honoring a tradition!

 

Each year, dad finds the best price for ground pork. I pull out the recipe in my mother’s handwriting.  We discuss many times how we’re going to find the  time to travel to dad’s so we can boil the meat in time but not too early (an hours-long process), and how many pies we’ll be making this  year.

I took on the tradition at a mere 50 years old, so I had still waited a long time for the privilege!  And now, each year, we have the pleasure of “my boys” joining us to carry on our traditions, just in quite a different way from the family ever imagined, back in Melansonville, Nova Scotia.

 

 

Grief and Sadness at the Holidays

Friday, December 9th, 2011

Your friend or parent or spouse is dreading the holiday season because someone loved has passed away. The holidays were mom’s or best friend’s or spouse’s favorite holiday … and they’re no longer on this Earth, not here to celebrate with.

How can you support, “be” there, without doing more than the person can handle. This is part of the “self-care” or “supports” we need to pay attention to, whether it’s easy for us or not. It’s crucial, so here, some ideas for you to consider or share.

Create a special gift: A friend told a few of us work that it was the second Christmas after her husband’s death which was going to be difficult.

Year one, she was still in shock; year two, reality was setting in. One of our crew listened and then together, we created a very special gift. Beginning 25 days before Christmas, our friend received a small daily gift. We put a card with each gift, with the countdown to Christmas.

This worked for her, I think, because she could look forward to each day, instead of dreading the countdown. A distraction, small gifts, and a card on Christmas, at the end of our countdown.

It’s often the days leading up to and after the holiday or anniversary, not the date itself, which are most difficult. If you live far away, you could send a card or postcard each day instead.

Honor traditions:  Were there particular traditions or  foods which the person always enjoyed at the holiday? Keep those going in the person’s memory. Tell your stories about the tradition, so that this gets passed along to others; this is a wonderful way of feeling you are carrying on the person’s legacy.

Write a letter or create an album: Write a letter with your own memories of the person and share it. This, being your perspectives, may be brand new information to your friend, and a way to complete the picture of their loved one, still learning, even after she is not here.

Or create a scrapbook or one of the photo/journal books you can create online. Again, you’re creating your own version of the person, or his impact on your life.

Ask. If you’re going through this yourself, take time to think about what kind of holiday season you’d like – quiet, active, here, vacationing. What do you need to get through? It’s important you take the lead, because others will be watching you to figure out what they can do; they don’t know, often, so ask for what you need.

If you are the friend of someone going through this difficult time, ask. Just be there when needed. Think about how you might make their day more pleasant (flowers, lunch out on you, a card each day, a text message) and just do it.

Most often, people are in a fog, so you may not get guidance on what would make life a little easier right now; so think about your friend and do something small. You’re not trying to “cheer up.” You’re simply trying to make each day go by a little more easily.

More ideas welcomed as always.

 

Turning A Corner – Reorganize to Process Life Changes

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Life changes and major events interrupt our lives in ways that we cannot imagine.

Whether the changes are joyous (welcoming a family member), unexpected (a job loss, major surgery) or tragic ( loss of a loved one), these changes leave us with homes, belongings, and schedules that no longer meet our needs or help us live our lives. Reorganizing is an important part of processing any life change.

Reorganizing is useful, because you’re changing your schedule, office or home to meet your new ways of living. Systems cannot be static, because life isn’t, and systems are what give you the time to deal with the life change.

Organizing, I often say, is a means to an end. The end is the results you want – to have more time,energy or a modified space to handle the life event.

How  do you know when you’re ready to shift, to change your systems, reorganize your space or declutter your past?

When you feel as if you’re turning a corner.

Turning the Corner – Michigan Forest Land

When you’re more often than contemplating creating physical and mental space for your next chapter – whether you know what it looks like or not. Decluttering your  home, your schedule, and creating the new.

Only you can judge that timing.

Take your time. Live with what you have until it feels like you’re “turning a corner.”  When the “old” truly feels like the past. When you want something new.

You’ll know it or you’ll feel it. You’ll see it clearly if you’re visual.  Listen to your voice and only yours. Because if you don’t, you’ll make decisions you may regret later on.

So wait until you know it’s time. Until you can see that last corner … just before you begin your next chapter in life. And then it’s time to reorganize and create something comfortable but new.

 

Stay tuned for details: On January 6th, I’ll be the guest on my publisher’s webinar “Help Me Organize after a Life Change.”

Why Our Things Are Important to Us: Guest Post, Melissa Mannon, ArchivesInfo

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

A guest post from my colleague, Melissa Mannon, author of The Unofficial Family Archivist.

Some of what you keep has more significance to you than other items. You know the materials I mean — the lock of hair from baby’s first haircut, the photos of your first Christmas together, the love letters you sent your husband before you were married. People spread these keepsakes through the house in closets and bureaus or we try to store them together in a shoe box under the bed. The objects symbolize some of the things that are important to us and we keep them because we have a sentimental attachment to them. As an archivist, I help people explore the idea that it is worthwhile to give more thought to what we are keeping for the long term. I help people determine why they are keeping these items and how to keep them safe.

We intuitively know that our personal “archives” are different from our other possessions. The materials we create in the course of our day-to-day activities help mold our own personal story and highlight our place in the world. The information that we record about ourselves helps us wind our way through life and can be part of our personal legacy. Some of these materials are used over and over. For example, a favorite hand written recipe passed down from one generation to the next might be pulled out to help celebrate during the holidays. Other recorded information might serve to remind us of something that occurred in our lives that made us happy. The material might not be actively used, but is tucked away until you want to recall or share an event.

When viewed as lone items, these materials do not necessarily highlight what makes us unique. Many people have a passport, but when examined with vacation photos, and a travel diary, the passport gains a new dimension. Together, the objects tell about our own personal experiences and perhaps our own world view. Archives that relate to each other can be gathered into a collection that highlights your story, making them more meaningful to you and to those with whom you wish to share your memories. When we think about these possessions in terms of the stories that they tell, we can more easily organize them and our thoughts about them. Possessions are imbued with additional meaning when we step back and consider their role as symbols of activities.

You might keep materials related to events that were meaningful to you. Or, you might keep information that highlights specific times in your life. You might keep your school report cards with your student art work alongside your varsity letters. Understanding what you are keeping and what part of your life it highlights can help you give order to your belongings and to your life.

The materials that you identify as worth keeping should be kept as safe as possible. All organic items, such as those made from paper, will decompose over time, but one cannot easily predict the rate of deterioration of materials. Their deterioration relies on a combination of factors working together: heat, humidity, light, pollution, pests, natural chemical reactions and chemical reactions resulting from improper storage are prime culprits of damage. Different types of items may require different storage supplies for their safekeeping, but there are some general rules to follow. Store materials in a place where temperature and humidity remain as constant as possible and keep items away from the elements. Purchase boxes for storage from a reputable archives supplier such as Gaylord Brothers, Light Impressions, Metal Edge, and University Products. These companies conform to standards and test products to ensure that they are safe for your materials. People often purchase items in stores that claim they are “Preservation Safe” or “Archival,” but these terms are not necessarily to be trusted.

Giving a little thought to your significant papers, photos, and other family information sources will help keep your treasured family memories safe. Focus on what is most meaningful and get rid of the clutter. Carve out your legacy by making sure your family stories are documented and preserved.

 

For more on how to organize and preserve your family papers, take a look at Melissa’s new book, The Unofficial Family Archivist

Follow her on Twitter, or subscribe to her wonderful and fascinating blog. You won’t be sorry.


 

“No, I Don’t Need Your Stuff.”

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

When she was downsizing her home, my grandmother would bring goodies on her visits. I didn’t know she was downsizing for an eventual move at the time or that would have given me perspective, I’m pretty sure. I was just out of college at the time, so thinking ahead to my own space.

She’d bring me something beautiful I’d remember from my childhood, such as a small pewter cream pitcher. I could remember where that pitcher was placed on her built-in bookcases. Even without touching the pitcher, I could remember it’s cold, metal feel. I remembered the  stories she used to tell about the pewter ware in the family. And my grandmother, a widow at a young age, was at our house a lot as I grew up. Many fond memories.

So of course I took the pewter pitcher. And the little plates. And the candlesticks. And more.

How could I say “no,” to memories, to my heroine, to my persuasive Baba? I didn’t say “no,” for a long time.

At some point, I found the perspective, that, while she loves me very much, at that time, she was downsizing and needed to know if family wanted her stuff. I could have said “no,” and eventually, I did.

 

Saying no is an easy way to keep less, but it’s often difficult for us to do.

Some ways to say “no,” without using the word “no” – and still being clear that you don’t need someone else’s stuff.

You probably have a friend or colleague who has figured out how to say no, with grace. Ask them how they do it.

Or try answering the request this way: “What I CAN do for you is … but not what you asked.” For example, I gave Baba other ideas for where she could give away her things.  And she still loved me even though I said “no” more often than “yes”!

“I already have one of those. How about it you donate it to — your church, Goodwill. Ask your knitting group.” Focus the person on other groups she might enjoy giving her things to.

And questions to ask  yourself, before you say “yes” would be:

How many of these do I have already?

Where exactly will I put this?

Do I love the object? The memory? Or the person giving it to me? If it’s the memory, snap a picture. If it’s the person, find other ways to say “I love you.”

 

Of course, her needlepoint’s another story entirely.