Harmony at Home

The Life Change Network

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

I’ve been writing for a few months now for The Life Change Network, with my Organizer Coach hat on. Each month, contributing writers provide articles on a variety of topics related to changes in life – the positive changes and the sorrowful ones. Change is always difficult, even if you decided to make the change.  As John and Deana Ryan, the founders, say:

“We understand that life changes can be difficult. It is our goal to provide you with a community to help you better handle these life changes through education, as well as community that offers mental and emotional support that is practical and helpful.”

They founded the community after experiencing some difficult losses in their lives; they come to this from a place of experience, passion, a desire to pay it forward.

My latest article, Newly Single (Again): Who Deserves A Place in Your Life? offers advice on how to decide who deserves a place in your life, and I use the word “deserves” quite on purpose. Post divorce or after being widowed, there’s a long transition period. At some point in that period, you may find that certain people are not a positive energy for you to be around or they react in difficult ways.

In “6 Steps for Dealing with Difficult People.”  Debbie LaChusa says that their actions are often driven by an emotion such as fear.

” I’ve found that most times when we step back, we find it’s not the person, but the situation that’s difficult.”

Change is difficult. People can appear to be difficult. Look beneath what they’re showing you. Use some of the questions in my article to decide whether they belong in your life, as you move forward.

If you enjoyed these two articles, next month’s theme is “major life changes.” I’m discussing  “Regroup, Remember and Reorganize – The New Three R’s. ” Other upcoming themes are:

June Work-Life Balance
July Choosing Your Path
August Change in Lifestyle / Back-to-School
September Life Lessons
October Overcoming Fears
November Family Dynamics / Holidays
December Holidays / Gratitude

 

So if you’re in need of advice and ideas for dealing with a life change, check out The Life Change Network on Twitter  or Facebook or stop by on the website.

If you haven’t been by my website in awhile, signing up for the newsletter sent every 6 weeks gives you a free copy of  my advice on “Organizing & Life Changes: 10 Suggestions for Organizing through Change.”

 

Green Spring Cleaning

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

A favorite site for all things green and for recycling ideas shared an article I’m going to print and use as a checklist. I’m doing some of these things but there are some new ideas in here, as I continue my path of doing more and better for my home and my environment.

Doing this, though, can be overwhelming to figure out where to start and how to find the time in already busy schedules. So here are my ideas on that front, along with the article, which you can reach by clicking on the photo below.

The article walks us through several rooms, so first step is to choose just one room to focus on. If you think “whole house,” you may never start, because it feels overwhelming, too big to even get started.

Which room bothers you the most – how it feels when you walk into it, how it looks, what you say about the room when you walk into it. Why is this important to you – what’s the value or motivation at work here?

You can also start with a room, like I will, where you can have a quick win; mine is what the article’s author calls the living room, which, chez moi, we call the great room. My home is fairly open, with a large, central room which is den+living room. It’s the place for relaxation, reading, conversation, guests and sometimes TV. And dog toys and dog play, of course.

Second, read the small steps or the checklist for that room. Better yet, go into the room, article in hand, so you can read a point and think about how long it might take you. Use the points in the article as your checklist but estimate how long each of these tasks will take.

Consider as well whether you are ready to start right away. Are there any new products you need to handle this room’s spring cleaning? Write them on your grocery list right away. If you’re working on donating clothing, do you have boxes or bags to hold the pile of items you plan to  give  away? In short, get your tools list together.

Third, go shopping if you need to.

Fourth, take a look at ONE of the tasks on the room’s checklist. Looking at your calendar, when you could fit in that one task?

By breaking up the work, you’ll fit these small tasks into your schedule more  easily than trying to find several hours of time. Actually block that time on your calendar as your intended time to get the task done. Now go onto the next task and the next to block the time. Consider, too, whether you want to do this alone or if you want to involve family members in some part of the activity.

By blocking out time, now,  if something else comes up for the time you want to spring clean that room, you’ll make a very conscious choice about whether the new idea or the spring cleaning has greater priority for you. If you hadn’t written spring cleaning on your schedule, if you’re like most of us, you probably would forget about it.

Last, when you finish a room, brag about it. Often times, others don’t notice the great work we’ve done, so show it off. That may give you an additional small boost  to proceed onto your next room!

Click on the picture below to take you to your green spring  cleaning guide from Earth911 !

 

 

 

 

Spring Cleaning – or is it Spring CleaRing

Monday, March 19th, 2012

When  you were growing up, what do you remember about Spring Cleaning?

Did you all work together as a family ? Did mom work inside and dad outside? Did you set aside a whole weekend for sprucing up the yard, with the matted grass and broken branches? Wash windows? Did you get out the pail of cleaning products to wash  the  walls and throw the curtains in the wash so you can swap them for the spring/summer ones?

Remember how great it felt to start fresh, to smell freshness in  the air, to shake off the cobwebs of winter? It’s feeling that way now, in the Northeast U.S. after the strangest, warmest winter on record – at least my records.

We did some of those things growing up, but not everything I just mentioned; a friend recently mentioned that her family “washed the walls” and “swapped the curtains” each season. I don’t remember doing either of those spring cleaning tasks, but there are others we did which her family did not. And that, today, is my point.

Before you dive into  spring cleaning, think about your own standards and expectations.  I can’t say whether today we have more complex lives, affording us less time for Spring Cleaning, but it feels that way to me. And countless believe it is true.

Consider  first, what is “enough” to make your home feel like you have…

  • shaken off winter
  • turned a corner  into springtime
  • started fresh
  • cleared the  clutter
  • reorganized enough that you’ll spend as much time as you want to,outside, and not inside dealing with “stuff”
  • no guilt about spending time out of the house – because it’s taken care of, organized as it needs to be, and  simple to maintain

What is “organized” enough, to you, is a powerful question. More powerful than it sounds. Talk about it. Journal about it. You’ll discover it.

I’m asking you to ignore the sentiments and standards of your upbringing, your friends, your sister-in-law or anyone who says or intimates that maybe your standards are not high enough.

What do you choose, for your household, your family and your life in the realms of spring cleaning, spring cleaRing and simplifying?

Not sure how to come up with your own standards before you being cleaning, clearing and simplifying? Can’t shed the thoughts of what other people say? Or aren’t sure how to get it all done?

Keep reading – more blog posts on this theme coming up – or call for coaching or in person  support and collaboration.

 

Starting Your Day, The Right Way

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

I’m walking down the hallway at my gym/club, hearing my sneakers squeak, and looking around to see what’s happening at 7 a.m. I love seeing the sign “No cell phones in the gym,”  because my time there is my quiet time, uninterrupted by the outside world. A bit of an oasis even.  It’s quiet and I get to slow down my brain a bit and read while I ride the bike. The bike and reading are my reward, after I’ve done the harder, less interesting part of my routine.

I also love seeing the tennis players as I walk down the hallway, because they are inspiring. I played tennis for years into my 20′s until knee problems shifted me to other exercises. At the club, the majority of players at that hour are in their 60′s, and there’s a group that’s closer to the age  of 70.

Book-ending this morning scene are the moms with kids, and a few dads with kids. I see them as I’m leaving the club, walking down a different hallway, showered and ready for my day. Moms and kids, running around, lots of noise – and many talking about how late they are running. Different energy. Different experience in my morning.

I can feel the difference in my early and later experiences in the hallways of the gym, can you?

Later, it’s  faster pace, more hectic, everyone already ramped up and falling forward into their days. Earlier, it’s a calmer world, gently waking up to our day, perhaps even working in some reflection time.

On the two days I don’t go to the gym, I try to recreate this calm, this anchoring, this gentle waking up – because that’s what works for me and is what’s necessary for me – a big component to my self-care.

The exercise has the added benefit of getting more energy and more of the cobwebs out of my system, and does it more quickly than reading and other approaches. I just read a reader’s question on Women with ADHD which asked if others wake up in the morning with a blank slate. Ah – My issue is never a blank slate in the morning! I strive to slow down my thoughts enough so that I can ground myself for the day. Exercise works. Reading is pretty good. Quiet time is useful.

Which way works for you? What is your usual morning routine? What does your routine need to DO for you? And is it doing that? If not, observe yourself tomorrow morning and your regular routines or rituals. What works? What’s not working? What do you need and how could you rearrange your morning to get some small piece of your own oasis, however you define it?

With appreciation to my coach for working this through with me.

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Monday, March 5th, 2012

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