Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg

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Organize for Dr.’s Appointments: 6 Tips

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

“Want me to go with you to your doctor’s appointment?” An odd question, I thought. I was in my 40’s at the time. Why did I need someone with me?

“So what pill changes did the doctor give you this time, dad?” I asked him. “Well, I remember most of it. I forget the name of the new one. And he lowered something else.” “Did you ask about that pain you’ve been having?” “No, I forgot. “

I’ve told my own, wonderful doctor, who is older than I am by about ten years, that she can’t retire until after I’m gone. I think that highly of her, and honestly have never had such a terrific doctor. I tell her things I haven’t told my closest friends.

And yet, as comfortable as I am with her, when I have a difficult situation, I’ll ask my housemate to go with me.  I’m nervous about whatever my health issue is at the time. When I’m nervous, I don’t pay attention as well.

It’s harder to listen when you’re nervous, right? We don’t hear everything that’s said. The words can be a blur. We hear what we want to hear. And then we walk out and we’ve got only half the story, half the details – and few of the answers to questions our friends or family will ask us about. Those answers we need to know if we’re talking good care of ourselves.

I’ve learned some great tips for getting organized for Dr.’s appointments over the years. I’ve learned them from my experience, from clients with medical/health issues, and from going to lots of appointments with older family members.

These tips apply to you, to the one you are accompanying (parent, child, grandchild) – and as I think of it, also to your cats/dogs/pet friends.

6 tips to Get Ready for Your Appointments

The questions: Organize and write down your questions in a notebook, days before the appointment. We think more clearly when we’re not in the thick of it. The  list will remind you of questions you had awhile ago. If you get nervous about discussing your health, your list will  pull you through.

The answers: Take time during or after the appointment to write down answers to the questions you’ve asked. When you get back in the car after the appointment, don’t turn on the engine; write down your notes while the information is still fresh. You’ll get far more detail written down, than waiting until you’ve driven all the way home. And when you get home, a million other things will take your attention.

Take medications? Keep a list with you at all times of what you take, doses, and when. Update it when anything changes, but KEEP older versions. Older versions are useful when something changes: you lose weight, you develop diabetes, or you notice a change in your habits or health. You can return to the last list to figure out what’s changed in your meds that may be causing an issue for you now.

You, as the observer of you: If something odd (physical, mental) has been happening to you lately, start taking notes. You are your own best observer, and those notes will give many clues to your doctor to help resolve the issue. Without the details, how can anyone solve the right problem?

And your other observer: That said, it is also very useful to have a second person with you, a companion, someone  you live with, someone you talk to frequently. It’s hard to observe ourselves objectively right? That’s what this person is there for.

Or  to give you courage  to ask that one, really difficult question. And definitely your friend’s there to help you hear what’s really been said. Even better if your friend has been in the medical field, like my housemate!

You as an advocate: Realize and accept that YOU are the only one know how it feels to be in your body. You’re the most important person to sense differences, particularly over time. Your doctor doesn’t see you often enough. Your partner/spouse doesn’t live IN your body. Only you know. How you feel is critically important to share.

If you are your parent or child’s advocate in the health care/mental health system, focus on that word “advocate.” If he/she cannot or doesn’t know how to advocate for him or herself, all of the above tips are for you to adopt and use on his or her behalf.

I’ve had great experiences and so has my family with our doctors. When I use “advocate,” I simply mean that you know yourself, or your parent or child the best. You live with or nearly live with the person. You’ve known or him or her your whole life. How could anyone else know and advocate for that person as well as you can. It’s one of the most important volunteer jobs you’ll ever have.

I’d love to hear other tips for getting your medical/mental health organized, so that we can share beyond ourselves.

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Clear the Decks

Monday, September 20th, 2010

You’re crunched for  time. A crisis. How do you organize your time so you don’t burn out, get the right things  done, and don’t  end up sick at the end of it all. What’s the crisis? It’s whatever is crunching your time so that you feel like you can’t breathe.

For me, it was dad’s surgery along with my housemate being at home recuperating from surgery during the same time period.  It  could be that you’re moving your mother in to live with you. You might be moving homes or offices. Or you’re headed out on a trip,vacation or business, and you haven’t traveled in awhile. These are all typical crunch times and require we consider different means to organize our time and get things done.

The crisis takes  over our emotions, our creative thinking (sometimes) and our rational thinking (sometimes). So if you have something going on now or may soon, read these ideas with your time crunch in mind.

Clear  the decks: the  week of surgery, I took no clients. I blocked out the time weeks ahead for my housemate’s surgery, but had to make calls and emails the day before dad’s surgery.

Clear one more thing than you think  you really need to.  Do we ever have extra time? No, so clear the  decks with one more thing than you might typically. This will reduced your expectations of yourself and so your stress levels.

Decide  whether to change your work email and voicemail messages. I did not, because I had my  Blackberry with me. I thought I’d see if I could handle things. As the laws of attraction would have it, this turned out to be a “less busy” week. But you may want to set those away messages, so that you control whether to answer or not.

Technology: gotta love it at this time. My Blackberry was a lifesaver for  communicating with my two brothers and my cousin. We texted status updates n dad, directions from the parking garage to his rooms, our own arrival status, and late night ideas and questions. We were in sync.

Divide up your big crisis  into smaller chunks of time. For me, it was: let’s get  through the day of diagnostics. Then the  surgery. Then day one post-op. Then the week. To rehab. And to home … with still more phases to go, but smaller chunks of time/emotion was (a) easier  to manage emotionally (b) easier to rejigger what had to get done at home and at work. So if you’re going on a trip, it might be the week before the trip, the week of the trip, the day before the trip, etc.

Deadlines: for  work, I isolated the key deadlines I’d have to move. And I moved them right  away, reaching out to explain why I needed more  time. People were wonderful. I chipped away at some of the work, and with dad home now, I can take more time with each.  I moved some items to a “revisit in November”  list.

At home: I kept a “do later” list. Some cleaning tasks landed here. Outside work landed on this list. They seemed lower priority at the time. Later on, choose a weekend day and plow through it.

When I am going to leave on a trip, I keep a “must  do before I leave  list,” and a “if time,do before” list. The latter are ones which could be done while on a business trip or after the business/vacation.

Notice what time of day you’re best at creating, writing, thinking, or doing those small and easy items. Each day, figure out what you might fit it based on this. In one of the weeks, I had only one  time to write, about an hour. Writing is a mental break, so  I needed it but I hadn’t had the energy, emotion or focus to do it  before then.Fit the  work with your energy levels.

Keep a separate list of things to be done. Several of us kept a small binder  with us all the time we were with dad (and I did  this for my housemate, too). They’d think of  something and ask you to  do it. Or you discuss something for when they are home. Decisions you’ll want to discuss with them again. So on dad’s list it was things like: buy a new and faster computer, print off his email once home, get mom a new cell phone, empty the flower boxes, put up the storm  windows, get the car out of the regional hospital parking lot where dad had left it.

We divided and conquered according to skills and  geographic proximity. We also used our binders to keep track of the changing rooms as he  got better. Phone numbers, people to call or email. One  binder, just while the person is in the hospital. When I leave on vacation or on a business trip, I don’t keep a binder, but I keep one list, only about things to do for the trip. It stays on my kitchen household  office desk so as I pass by, I can add items or take some off by doing them. Always with me or in  sight.

Eat out. This is a way to make sure you eat during times of crisis. We stopped at the cafe on our way in and I think on our way out sometimes. Planning, shopping,  meal prep and cleanup – when you add up the time this takes, it’s a good amount of time. For us, we spent money instead sometimes, as a trade for having more time. Quick stops, not long leisurely restaurant dinners.

Keep in mind, this was a short period of time, though. And when  I leave  on a trip, we  eat out the night before. That also gives me a deadline of being ready before dinnertime instead of staying  up ’til midnight getting ready!

Hire people to do things for you during this  time, so you create more time for yourself. You might be surprised at how differently you value money versus your time when in a crisis.

Keep a separate bag for hospital trips. In it, I kept my binder/list,  things to bring to dad, to mom or my brothers. People I know who have to make regular hospital trips (dialysis, chemo) keep a separate bag and it  includes things to do while you wait. Drop items in when you think of them and  you’ll be ready to go at the  drop of a hat.

Know your own signals that you are becoming overwhelmed. Learn them. You’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t focus on self-care as well as  the  person in crisis.

Even if you can’t exercise for your regular full time, take a walk for 15 minutes. If you can’t meditate in the a.m., try it at night. You always grocery shop on Sundays but you’re at rehab that day. Go Monday nights temporarily.

Your life does need to get reorganized, temporarily. The sooner you let go of your regular day-to-day structure, the  easier and less stressed you’ll be. And most importantly, you’ll be there, in the moment, doing what needs to be done.

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Dad’s Surgery – sometimes we can’t do it all on our own.

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Sunday night: My dad’s had a heart attack. Healthy living, no family history, but there he lies, in a Boston hospital waiting for a diagnostic test to understand how bad the damage is and what happens because of it.I’ve always said he lives a charmed life, and this man had his heart attack right in his primary care doctor’s offices. In the  days ahead, he would hear “how lucky he was” over and over. He was, and we are.

Monday morning: I leave behind my housemate, one week out from knee replacement surgery. She’s been through knee replacement before and is  doing well, so her dad accompanies me to Boston. We call a friend on the  way to check in and take care of the  dogs for her, while we are gone for the day.

Dad’s charmed life – My housemate had been through this before. A week earlier and she would have been in her surgery. Over the years, I’d been on many hospital and doctor trips for her mother and  father. That plus my housemate’s medical background were gifts to my dad. Gifts paid forward.

Over the years, being around her mom and dad with their heart issues, I had developed experience and knowledge helpful now to my parents. This would turn out to be one of my unique skills brought to this life event. And as the  eldest child and family communications point person for the hospital, I hope one of the  other skills I brought was helping my brothers and  me  to gel together for this crisis.

Her dad would accompany me on my two-hour Boston trips each day for the next 10 days.  He has been through triple bypass surgery, and has both a pacemaker and defibrillator buried under his chest skin. I have an advisor, survivor and  a wise, kind-hearted soul by my side – who is also the same age  and generation as dad. I think I’m lucky, too, bringing this gift to my family.

Sometimes we can’t do it all, whether it’s at home or at the office. Sometimes, more often than we probably think of it, we NEED to rely on outside structure or outside  support.

Who has a skill you don’t have? Find your outside support or structure.

Or who can do something we CAN do, so that what we have time to do more of what WE are uniquely best at.

During the day Monday, I update my brothers and close family on dad’s status. Once again, I reach out and what do I get in return? I’m embraced not only by their love and compassion, but we also come together  and offer our skills to the family.

One brother has social work background and work with the older population. He will become particularly helpful as dad moves to rehab and then home,  to work through services and for his social work types of skills and knowledge. He knows his ways around the maze, as people say.

My other brother is quite organized, a business analyst, and lives locally, so he can get things done and bring mom into the hospital. I noticed he brings his notebook with him to visits and meetings — notes, questions, answers.

What an embrace this must feel like to mom and  dad.

Dad and mom raised us to learn something from everyone we meet and every situation we encounter. I think they’d be proud !

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Organizing for Surgery – Part 3 of A Series – While at the Hospital

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

How can the caregiver do what he/she needs to for the patient, children, and pets at home and also for him or herself? Oh, yeah – taking care of ourselves. Right. That’s what allows us to be there, emotionally and physically for the person who needs us most right now. This blog entry has what I did as the caregiver, as well as lessons I learned – things I didn’t do but thought of later on or learned by mistakes.

Children and Pets

Ask for what you need. Friends can assist with picking up children from activities, taking care of your pets or handling the pet hotel they stay at. You might want to hire a sitter for after school, or a pet sitter/walker for check-ins and necessary breaks. Now is the time to rely on friends and professionals. Think of it as a temporary situation; how creative can you be at asking for what you need?

Bring phones and emails of people you want to update

Some people use a phone chain, where you call the first few people and they help you by making phone calls to others. I brought a small paper notebook as well as my Blackberry. I used the notebook to write down items I had to bring back to the hospital or things to do on the way home. With my housemate, I made a list of whom to contact once out of surgery. I made sure I had emails in my Blackberry or phone numbers.

Assume you are on vacation for the week.

Forget about working and it will be easier to focus on your patient, but also completely let go of work. The mental energy you save by not thinking about work will be invaluable to your patient, and to your keeping a lower stress level through this difficult time.

If you must work

…then try working half days. That the most you’ll be able to handle. Set a low expectation in this case. Bring your computer or at least your  ”to do” list with you. At home or at work, before you’re headed back to the hospital, figure out what you can work on for those bits and pieces of time you may have at the hospital – waiting for a medical professional to finish working, waiting for a physical therapy appointment to finish up, etc. Organize your ‘to do’ list by what can be done at home, needs a pc, or can be done in small bits of time. Or maybe this is the time you’ll get to finally read that book you’ve had on  your desk for awhile (mine was a new one — The Referral Engine, by John Jantsch).

If your patient has occupational and/or physical therapy… Use this time to your advantage.

His or her days will be busy. You could take care of household responsibilities during these parts of the day, because remember, you are handling a lot more than you’re used to. You are handling everything for the household, so give yourself time. You could also use the time to work, or work at night, even if that’s not your regular schedule. Be more flexible with how your schedule is configured and you’ll lower your stress and be more emotionally present for your patient.

Control/manage the number of visitors

Visitors are important and helpful and it feels good to be part of your friends and community when you’re in the hospital for awhile. But part of your role needs to be to watch your patient’s (and your) energy level. People take up energy. Right now, energy is a precious commodity. Some friends will understand this. Others won’t because they haven’t been through this before; just explain it and they’ll be fine. Some visitors can be particularly helpful once you’ve returned home, for example, instead of a visit to the hospital. People mean well; just manage it.

Meals: Will you eat together?

The rest of your patient’s day may be taken up by therapists, nurses, and doctors. But mealtime can be your time to have quiet time and get connected again.  Plus if you’re watching your budget, take in your own meal (but you probably can’t share it!

I know. It’s a lot. That’s the point.  Give yourself the time and the emotional space to do a job you’ll be comfortable with and your caregiver will be proud of.

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Organizing before Surgery: Winding Down at Work

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Hospital bldgThis list is written mainly for the surgery bound because his/her leave will be longer. However, for the main caregivers, please review this for your work responsibilities. Think about how you can manage them or keep them on hold while you are out even though for a shorter period of time.

Balance Your Needs with What the Work Needs

If you work for someone else or for yourself: The main concern will be how the work will get done. If you work for someone else, their secondary concern will be your welfare.  Your job is to balance the two needs and come up with (a) a backup plan and (b) a reasonable set of expectations for when you can partially and fully return to work.  This is true even if you work for yourself.

On Backup Plans

As soon as you know you’re going in for surgery, start thinking about each client and each project you work on. The trick here is to think creatively.

How can you prepare your employees or independent contractors for your departure? How can you divide your responsibilities among different people, if you do not have a singular person to take all that you do?

Consider Timing, Skill Sets, and Relationships

First, take a hard look at the details of each client or project. What’s going on now which could be wrapped up prior to your leave? What could potentially wait until afterwards? What will be mid-project while you are out?

What responsibilities can be left for when you return?  What can go on auto-pilot? How can get you get each project or client – or most of them – to maintenance mode, so your involvement will not be needed until you can get gradually involved again?

Consider the skills required for the client/project, and then review the skills of people you work with. If you’re a solo entrepreneur, consider a trusted administrative person or assistant who could keep thing together for the early days of your leave – much the same as you might hire on those probably all-too-rare vacations you take. If you still have time, try out someone to work with before you go out.

Write it Down and Communicate — Over and Over

Once you know who will do what, write it down. You’ll need to communicate this plan more than once, so may as well make it easy on yourself. You’ll have enough to think about without having to recreate the wheel.

If you work for someone else, set up a formal meeting/phone time to review your backup plans, any issues you’re concerned about and brainstorm together. You’ll need to take the lead on making sure your manager and clients know when you’re going out. You will need to repeat yourself, countdown fashion, over and over. If you’re valuable to your organization, they’re going to be in sort of a denial about you going out, but it’s your responsibility to take care of your clients and projects, so keep at the communication.

Change voicemail/email auto-reply etc. about two weeks before you’ll be out as another reminder.  As you get closer to the date, you can use both to list who your backups are going to be as well.

Next blog entry: Answering the question: “When will you be back?”

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