Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg

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Organize Your Support – Life Changes

Friday, December 9th, 2011

When you’re struggling with a joyous or an unhappy or difficult life change, that change goes on for  awhile – a transition period. It’s difficult to keep up with what was your regular life.

What do you know for sure? Not much at the time of changes. Manage your home, schedule, emotions? Exceedingly difficult, even for the most organized person you may know.Change is all about letting go.

Organizing systems and self-care will help tremendously, as you move through  this transition time. Taking care of the basics (with organizing systems) and of your self (self-care/support) will make life easier on a daily basis.

In Nancy K. Schlossberg’s book,Overwhelmed: Coping with Life’s Ups and Downs,  she suggests four areas of focus: Self, Situation, Strategies and Support. I’ve also had education and experience using A Life That Fits, an approach discussed in my organizer coaching program a few years ago. I’ve melded these to work in the organizing context as reorganize life to eventually move ahead.

TodayOrganize for your next chapter‘s focus: Supports – because there’s one key detail that’s different here.

When I was going through separation and a divorce, I  didn’t do this on purpose, but I experienced the most amazing breadth and depth of support. Until that point in life, this was the most difficult life change I’d been through. (Of course, if you’ve been reading for awhile, you’ll know that I didn’t “just” get divorced. I went through lots of life  changes, in a short period of time.)

The key is to get specific on the type of support you need. So here is my example:

I felt like I needed a big sister, even though I don’t have one in my family. I found one, though, in an older, wiser, close, lifetime  friend. No judgment, just encouragement to do what was right for me, listening when I needed to talk, and talking when I needed not to talk. Comfortable when she asked if I wanted someone to go with me to divorce proceedings.

Family/extended family. The people who would ask because they cared: What happened? Who wanted to try to understand. The ones who surround you with love and support, no matter what. And may I say, I really learned about having extended family at this time. Very powerful and  comforting.

Closest friends. Say anything and know it’s confidential. Do fun things together to create a new social life. Friends, wine, cribbage, & pizza. Sharing feelings and stories.

New community to belong to. My friends at my then-new church community. The place that makes the world feel a bit smaller. Got me out of the house and belonging somewhere.

Another part of support can be people who handle practical details for you: errand running, lawn mowing, driving to dr.’s appointments, the trash pickup service. Or the broader  community of friends who  provide this practical level of support. For me, it was friends/family who packed me, moved me, found me the professionals I needed to begin anew.

 

We all talk about needing “support.” But what’s so powerful here is recognizing that there are different TYPES or levels of support.

Saying you need “support” is not  enough if you’re going through a life change. Ask for what you need, specifically, and you’ll get through this more easily.

Tough to figure out, tough to ask but tougher if you don’t.

And for the most part, people will be honored that you did ask and included them in your support network.

 

 

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Posted in AD/HD, Change, Divorcing, Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg, Home Office, Next Chapter | 2 Comments »

Turning A Corner – Reorganize to Process Life Changes

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Life changes and major events interrupt our lives in ways that we cannot imagine.

Whether the changes are joyous (welcoming a family member), unexpected (a job loss, major surgery) or tragic ( loss of a loved one), these changes leave us with homes, belongings, and schedules that no longer meet our needs or help us live our lives. Reorganizing is an important part of processing any life change.

Reorganizing is useful, because you’re changing your schedule, office or home to meet your new ways of living. Systems cannot be static, because life isn’t, and systems are what give you the time to deal with the life change.

Organizing, I often say, is a means to an end. The end is the results you want – to have more time,energy or a modified space to handle the life event.

How  do you know when you’re ready to shift, to change your systems, reorganize your space or declutter your past?

When you feel as if you’re turning a corner.

Turning the Corner – Michigan Forest Land

When you’re more often than contemplating creating physical and mental space for your next chapter – whether you know what it looks like or not. Decluttering your  home, your schedule, and creating the new.

Only you can judge that timing.

Take your time. Live with what you have until it feels like you’re “turning a corner.”  When the “old” truly feels like the past. When you want something new.

You’ll know it or you’ll feel it. You’ll see it clearly if you’re visual.  Listen to your voice and only yours. Because if you don’t, you’ll make decisions you may regret later on.

So wait until you know it’s time. Until you can see that last corner … just before you begin your next chapter in life. And then it’s time to reorganize and create something comfortable but new.

 

Stay tuned for details: On January 6th, I’ll be the guest on my publisher’s webinar “Help Me Organize after a Life Change.”

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Posted in Change, Divorcing, Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg, Memories, Next Chapter | No Comments »

Life’s Big Changes – Coach on Through to Your Next Chapter

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

Remain coachable. No matter how successful you are, there is always someone who can see what you cannot. -Cynthia Renee Frazie

Life changes … and then, at some  point, we realize we need to get ourselves organized  to move on. This is where coaching supports — organizing your life to move on, create a new chapter,  let go of enough of the past – but not so much you regret it.

Your partner or parent has left or perhaps passed away. Now what? You think you’re ready to move on. Your home needs to be “yours” but you don’t want to dishonor memories or move too fast.

You’ve been a caregiver or very involved in a parent’s illness.  How to use your time  differently now that you have more of it.

You’re divorced or soon to be. You want to make your home your own now. What’ s important? Where to start? How to tackle a whole house and make it your own.

You always followed someone else’s organizing systems for  bill paying, mail, time, house maintenance. You want to or need to take them on now, but where to begin? How to make them your own?

There’s a new and different energy in the household: children, grandchildren, pets or host children. How do you manage your very different household, all who live there, meals, bills, time, stuff?

You’re pre-empty nest or there now. What’s next for you? Creating a new life chapter but how and where to start.

Finally, you get the explanation, the AD/HD diagnosis: acceptance, new ways of organizing your days, figuring out your version of a life that fits you, organizing in new, organic ways that make sense to you.

Breaking big issues (or projects) into smaller steps. Where to begin. How to start and stay with it. You’re stuck and can’t figure out why or where to head next.

Career change to self-employment: You’re on your own and it’s just too flexible. Keeping your home/office boundaries clear (space and time). Controlling papers, piles, emails.

Self-employment — scaling up - taking next steps to grow your business. Some of us are creators. Some create order out of the chaos created by the creators. And some will maintain. Which are you best at?

Motivation, procrastination, stalling, not getting started or staying stuck – You want  it to change.

Organizing your time and your days differently – for more productivity at work or for better balance/grounding in your personal life.

Not sure how coaching for organizing works  or not sure it’s for you?

Call to explore.  No charge to explore …and no selling.

If it’s a fit, we will both know it.

603 765 9267 or Sue@OrganizeNH.com or simply register to receive blog updates and get to know more.

“Coaches have the ability to view things from afar – in what
some call ‘helicopter vision’ – and to shed new light on
difficult situations. Often they can act as a sounding board
through tough decisions, help sharpen skills, and motivate.”

from CFO Magazine

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Posted in AD/HD, Divorcing, Downsizing Dilemmas- Solved, Habits, Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg, Next Chapter | No Comments »

Organize for Dr.’s Appointments: 6 Tips

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

“Want me to go with you to your doctor’s appointment?” An odd question, I thought. I was in my 40’s at the time. Why did I need someone with me?

“So what pill changes did the doctor give you this time, dad?” I asked him. “Well, I remember most of it. I forget the name of the new one. And he lowered something else.” “Did you ask about that pain you’ve been having?” “No, I forgot. “

I’ve told my own, wonderful doctor, who is older than I am by about ten years, that she can’t retire until after I’m gone. I think that highly of her, and honestly have never had such a terrific doctor. I tell her things I haven’t told my closest friends.

And yet, as comfortable as I am with her, when I have a difficult situation, I’ll ask my housemate to go with me.  I’m nervous about whatever my health issue is at the time. When I’m nervous, I don’t pay attention as well.

It’s harder to listen when you’re nervous, right? We don’t hear everything that’s said. The words can be a blur. We hear what we want to hear. And then we walk out and we’ve got only half the story, half the details – and few of the answers to questions our friends or family will ask us about. Those answers we need to know if we’re talking good care of ourselves.

I’ve learned some great tips for getting organized for Dr.’s appointments over the years. I’ve learned them from my experience, from clients with medical/health issues, and from going to lots of appointments with older family members.

These tips apply to you, to the one you are accompanying (parent, child, grandchild) – and as I think of it, also to your cats/dogs/pet friends.

6 tips to Get Ready for Your Appointments

The questions: Organize and write down your questions in a notebook, days before the appointment. We think more clearly when we’re not in the thick of it. The  list will remind you of questions you had awhile ago. If you get nervous about discussing your health, your list will  pull you through.

The answers: Take time during or after the appointment to write down answers to the questions you’ve asked. When you get back in the car after the appointment, don’t turn on the engine; write down your notes while the information is still fresh. You’ll get far more detail written down, than waiting until you’ve driven all the way home. And when you get home, a million other things will take your attention.

Take medications? Keep a list with you at all times of what you take, doses, and when. Update it when anything changes, but KEEP older versions. Older versions are useful when something changes: you lose weight, you develop diabetes, or you notice a change in your habits or health. You can return to the last list to figure out what’s changed in your meds that may be causing an issue for you now.

You, as the observer of you: If something odd (physical, mental) has been happening to you lately, start taking notes. You are your own best observer, and those notes will give many clues to your doctor to help resolve the issue. Without the details, how can anyone solve the right problem?

And your other observer: That said, it is also very useful to have a second person with you, a companion, someone  you live with, someone you talk to frequently. It’s hard to observe ourselves objectively right? That’s what this person is there for.

Or  to give you courage  to ask that one, really difficult question. And definitely your friend’s there to help you hear what’s really been said. Even better if your friend has been in the medical field, like my housemate!

You as an advocate: Realize and accept that YOU are the only one know how it feels to be in your body. You’re the most important person to sense differences, particularly over time. Your doctor doesn’t see you often enough. Your partner/spouse doesn’t live IN your body. Only you know. How you feel is critically important to share.

If you are your parent or child’s advocate in the health care/mental health system, focus on that word “advocate.” If he/she cannot or doesn’t know how to advocate for him or herself, all of the above tips are for you to adopt and use on his or her behalf.

I’ve had great experiences and so has my family with our doctors. When I use “advocate,” I simply mean that you know yourself, or your parent or child the best. You live with or nearly live with the person. You’ve known or him or her your whole life. How could anyone else know and advocate for that person as well as you can. It’s one of the most important volunteer jobs you’ll ever have.

I’d love to hear other tips for getting your medical/mental health organized, so that we can share beyond ourselves.

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Posted in Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg | 4 Comments »

Clear the Decks

Monday, September 20th, 2010

You’re crunched for  time. A crisis. How do you organize your time so you don’t burn out, get the right things  done, and don’t  end up sick at the end of it all. What’s the crisis? It’s whatever is crunching your time so that you feel like you can’t breathe.

For me, it was dad’s surgery along with my housemate being at home recuperating from surgery during the same time period.  It  could be that you’re moving your mother in to live with you. You might be moving homes or offices. Or you’re headed out on a trip,vacation or business, and you haven’t traveled in awhile. These are all typical crunch times and require we consider different means to organize our time and get things done.

The crisis takes  over our emotions, our creative thinking (sometimes) and our rational thinking (sometimes). So if you have something going on now or may soon, read these ideas with your time crunch in mind.

Clear  the decks: the  week of surgery, I took no clients. I blocked out the time weeks ahead for my housemate’s surgery, but had to make calls and emails the day before dad’s surgery.

Clear one more thing than you think  you really need to.  Do we ever have extra time? No, so clear the  decks with one more thing than you might typically. This will reduced your expectations of yourself and so your stress levels.

Decide  whether to change your work email and voicemail messages. I did not, because I had my  Blackberry with me. I thought I’d see if I could handle things. As the laws of attraction would have it, this turned out to be a “less busy” week. But you may want to set those away messages, so that you control whether to answer or not.

Technology: gotta love it at this time. My Blackberry was a lifesaver for  communicating with my two brothers and my cousin. We texted status updates n dad, directions from the parking garage to his rooms, our own arrival status, and late night ideas and questions. We were in sync.

Divide up your big crisis  into smaller chunks of time. For me, it was: let’s get  through the day of diagnostics. Then the  surgery. Then day one post-op. Then the week. To rehab. And to home … with still more phases to go, but smaller chunks of time/emotion was (a) easier  to manage emotionally (b) easier to rejigger what had to get done at home and at work. So if you’re going on a trip, it might be the week before the trip, the week of the trip, the day before the trip, etc.

Deadlines: for  work, I isolated the key deadlines I’d have to move. And I moved them right  away, reaching out to explain why I needed more  time. People were wonderful. I chipped away at some of the work, and with dad home now, I can take more time with each.  I moved some items to a “revisit in November”  list.

At home: I kept a “do later” list. Some cleaning tasks landed here. Outside work landed on this list. They seemed lower priority at the time. Later on, choose a weekend day and plow through it.

When I am going to leave on a trip, I keep a “must  do before I leave  list,” and a “if time,do before” list. The latter are ones which could be done while on a business trip or after the business/vacation.

Notice what time of day you’re best at creating, writing, thinking, or doing those small and easy items. Each day, figure out what you might fit it based on this. In one of the weeks, I had only one  time to write, about an hour. Writing is a mental break, so  I needed it but I hadn’t had the energy, emotion or focus to do it  before then.Fit the  work with your energy levels.

Keep a separate list of things to be done. Several of us kept a small binder  with us all the time we were with dad (and I did  this for my housemate, too). They’d think of  something and ask you to  do it. Or you discuss something for when they are home. Decisions you’ll want to discuss with them again. So on dad’s list it was things like: buy a new and faster computer, print off his email once home, get mom a new cell phone, empty the flower boxes, put up the storm  windows, get the car out of the regional hospital parking lot where dad had left it.

We divided and conquered according to skills and  geographic proximity. We also used our binders to keep track of the changing rooms as he  got better. Phone numbers, people to call or email. One  binder, just while the person is in the hospital. When I leave on vacation or on a business trip, I don’t keep a binder, but I keep one list, only about things to do for the trip. It stays on my kitchen household  office desk so as I pass by, I can add items or take some off by doing them. Always with me or in  sight.

Eat out. This is a way to make sure you eat during times of crisis. We stopped at the cafe on our way in and I think on our way out sometimes. Planning, shopping,  meal prep and cleanup – when you add up the time this takes, it’s a good amount of time. For us, we spent money instead sometimes, as a trade for having more time. Quick stops, not long leisurely restaurant dinners.

Keep in mind, this was a short period of time, though. And when  I leave  on a trip, we  eat out the night before. That also gives me a deadline of being ready before dinnertime instead of staying  up ’til midnight getting ready!

Hire people to do things for you during this  time, so you create more time for yourself. You might be surprised at how differently you value money versus your time when in a crisis.

Keep a separate bag for hospital trips. In it, I kept my binder/list,  things to bring to dad, to mom or my brothers. People I know who have to make regular hospital trips (dialysis, chemo) keep a separate bag and it  includes things to do while you wait. Drop items in when you think of them and  you’ll be ready to go at the  drop of a hat.

Know your own signals that you are becoming overwhelmed. Learn them. You’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t focus on self-care as well as  the  person in crisis.

Even if you can’t exercise for your regular full time, take a walk for 15 minutes. If you can’t meditate in the a.m., try it at night. You always grocery shop on Sundays but you’re at rehab that day. Go Monday nights temporarily.

Your life does need to get reorganized, temporarily. The sooner you let go of your regular day-to-day structure, the  easier and less stressed you’ll be. And most importantly, you’ll be there, in the moment, doing what needs to be done.

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Posted in Health/Medical/Surgery Orgzg, Time Management, Vacations | No Comments »

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