Archive for the ‘Divorcing’ Category

Book Reviews – Organize for A Fresh Start

Monday, February 11th, 2013

As one reviewer said, there are no “magic pills.” Much of organization comes from within ourselves. We can work with someone to pull out what works, what hasn’t worked and possibilities for sticking with whatever systems are put into place this time around.

It is a partnership, because only you know “you.” That’s true if you work with one of us privately. It’s true if you coach with us, or if you read a book. It and we have to resonate with you, for this to make a difference in your life.

So this may or may not be the book that resonates with you. I hope it is. I’ve assembled some reviews to give you a specific flavor for what’s inside.

 

Sue West

Certified Organizing Coach

Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization 

In my early 60′s, I had just been laid off and wasn’t sure about what to do next. This helped me to think of the next chapter instead of only the last chapter of my life, that something was beginning and not just ending.I also made the connection between my space and stuff and what was going on, that making physical space for something new helped me to open up and allow the new things to come into my life. Most of all, it’s a mindset shift.

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I loved the author’s story about the “rusty nail” she hangs her keys on. This approach of the rusty nail is a metaphor  for how the author approaches organizing systems. Rather than begin an organizing book with “perfect” solutions, this book is about organizing in ways that are useful and practical in everyday life. If a rusty nail is what you have and will work for you, then that’s what you do.

 

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Let’s just say that this book was just what I needed.  Nothing can do the work for you, but when I was faced with a mountain of overwhelming responsibilities, Organize for a Fresh Start gave me just enough help to stay sane. (Or, at the very least, somewhat sane.)

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This book is not just about organization, but it’s about getting a fresh start, beginning a new chapter, for example if you’re expecting a baby, or if you’re getting, or recently got divorced.  I really appreciated this because I was divorced a couple years ago and I was starting over. This book is not only about removing physical clutter from your life, but emotional clutter as well.  There are motivational exercises to help you organize, like filling in blanks, creating goals, visualization. There is no one fix for everyone regarding organization. It’s about finding out what works for you.  I do like the organization tips in the book. The author goes from room to room giving practical advice. She’s a professional organizer herself and knows her stuff.

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I admit I have a few books on getting rid of stuff and organized and have made great progress. This book takes a different view that for me makes a lot of sense to me. She has you look at where you are in your life and what your need are going to be in the future. It is not just start in this drawer and count out this many socks kind of book.

All through this beautiful book are highlighted in blue little quotes that stick with you reminding you that there is no perfect way to do this it will be different for each person. She encourages you when you get burned out and just want to throw up your hands.

I love her no regrets question list on page 101. I have been in a pitching mode and gotten rid of things I so wish I still had. You will have a holding area for things you need time to see if it is right to let go or hold on to it. I like that she doesn’t boss you around she is gentle in her suggestions but very effective.

My office is the worst in the house and I am starting there with my boxes and positive attitude that where m life is right now it just makes no sense to be keeping about 50% of what sits there unused. She mentions and I have found one I have a donate box it is best to put it in the trunk right away out of site so I don’t go reconsider. There is a reconsider place and anything not 100% sure will go there for a time.

I highly recommend this even if you like I have started and are making progress with other books, this one adds new insights that are truly helpful.

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However, Organize for a Fresh Start, Embrace Your Next Chapter in Life was just what I needed for now. Can you imagine suddenly having to organize and completely pack up the home of a deceased family member, while also having to weed through the contents of a large storage facility, while also moving out of your own apartment while moving into a new house — which also required that I accomodate the household belongings of yet another family member?

Can’t imagine it, eh? Well, neither could I, but I still had to do it. Let’s just say that this book was just what I needed. Nothing can do the work for you, but when I was faced with a mountain of overwhelming responsibilities, Organize for a Fresh Start gave me just enough help to stay sane. (Or, at the very least, somewhat sane.)

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This is a well written book which is designed in a way that helps a person who is not organized become organized. I have gotten books before on organizing that, after I have read a few pages, have found there way into a stack of books never to be read again. I am using this book and I know where it is.

The book starts out with a premise that intrigues me. The premise is that organizational skills are tied to life changes. This is and was new to me. Most books on the subject just look at the organizational skills themselves rather than life circumstances involved causing the the need to organize and reorganize. Basically you either are organized or you are not.

The first chapter, “Live Your Life in Chapters”, talks about how organizing is an evolving process and representative of growth in our lives. It takes what for me is a chore and turns it into a positive affirmation of the growth I experience in life.

The book then looks at key factors to organization such as determining what to keep and what to throw out, where to store items, how to make efficient use of space in a room. It does this in the context of where a person is in his or her life and really helps a person to define what his or her needs are at the moment, knowing these will change over time.

The book also acknowledges that people reading it may not be organized and helps people like me get over my inability to be organized. It talks to me rather than lectures me.

The book has a great appendix with nine tools to help a person get and stay organized such as a room tour questionnaire which helps a person look at a room from a different perspective and a section on how long to keep records.

The best thing about this book is the layout. The book uses white and blue ink to make certain sections stand out. The type size is large enough to read without a problem and changes when important information is being used. The book is easy on the eye.

The designer did a great job. If this was done in black and white type with small text I would have resisted reading it. The author’s words combined with the book’s great layout makes me want to pick up this book.

This is a great book for people who have tried other books on how to organize but lost interest. This book has kept my interest and so far two rooms are better organized thanks to this book.

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For those who are facing a new chapter in their life and need a gentle voice guiding them on the approach to moving forward. Many folks are just stuck and cannot move forward because they do not know where to start. This book will help, in baby steps, how to proceed with decluttering and organizing. I recommend this book for anyone who has never organized his/her environment and as Dr. Phil says, “needs a soft place to fall.”

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More info – More links

Read a chapter

Table of contents

Purchases (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and many other sites; paper or Nook/Kindle/other e-reader available).

 

 

 

Fresh Starts – My Interview at “Oh, So Organized” with Linda Samuels

Friday, January 25th, 2013

“I didn’t realize how much was happening in my life until I told you what the last few years have been like.” 

“I’m stuck and can’t figure how to move on – plus, I don’t know what’s next. “

A feeling

… of needing to simplify, reorganize or let go of the past is often the result of some big life changes a client’s been through. She’s coming out the other side of these changes, and wondering what’s next. A wonderful way to blend the last chapter of her life with what she wants for her next chapter is to reorganize – Things,  Thoughts, and Time.

  

My blog this week takes you over to “Oh, So Organized!” with my colleague and friend, Linda Samuels, where I’ve answered some questions for her, on the topic of life changes, transitions and moving towards a fresh start.

 

These are her questions for me. The blog is here for my answers:  Ask the Expert: Sue West

  • You’re an expert on helping others navigate life transitions. What is your favorite tip for negotiating uncharted territory?
  • Fresh starts can be enervating or draining. What are a few strategies to help minimize overwhelm?
  • A clean slate is an opportunity. How can we prepare physically or emotionally to experience positive results?
  • Do you have a philosophy about new beginnings?
  • What has been your biggest personal challenge around second chances?
  • Is there anything you’d like to share about fresh starts that I haven’t asked?

And read the comments on the blog, too; to me, they add so much to this interview, making it even more useful with different perspectives.

Who is in this Ask the Expert series –  a word from Linda

“Last year the “Ask the Expert” feature was introduced on The Other Side of Organized blog! It quickly became a big success as we enjoyed inspiring conversations with industry leaders such as best-selling author Gretchen Rubin, time management guru Julie Morgenstern, and organizer and coach extraordinaire Denslow Brown. For 2013, the interview series continues with another dynamic group of experts. I’m thrilled to begin this year with author, coach and organizer, Sue West to share her wisdom about fresh starts.”

 

Please join us over at Linda’s this week !

 

 

 

 

Ready for more, after the blog interview? My book about fresh starts is available here: Organize for A Fresh Start: Embrace Your Next Chapter in Life.  Read a sample chapter and the table of contents to see if it suits your needs. Or organizing & coaching services – together! Coaching in our organizing meetings or purely by phone – that’s the piece that helps the new strategies stick.

It’s Your Holiday, Too, Remember.

Saturday, December 22nd, 2012

This post is about taking care of you during the holidays. It’s a simple list of ways to make things easier on yourself, not a ‘to do’ list.

WHO typically irks you…

…gets your goat, pushes your buttons, or otherwise puts too much “Grinch” in your holiday season? This is your holiday, too, and you don’t need more stress.

  • Bring someone else into your confidence and ask him/her to stay with you, or help keep that person away.
  • Stay way from the person. Just walk away.
  • Decide ahead of time how you’ll answer the comments or those fun,  prying questions he/she may ask.
  • What is it that bugs you? Can you talk through some strategies before you’re stuck in a conversation.
  • If you were advising a friend, your adult child or your favorite person on how to deal with this person, would you have different ideas? This is a way to get perspective that’s less emotional.
  • If it’s an ongoing issue, consider solving it in January.
  • Start work with a therapist for a short term goal of dealing with “people like this.”

It’s Your Holiday, Too, Remember.

WHAT situations are difficult? Not people, but situations, times, events, places.

    • As  you get ready to go out, or you’re traveling to wherever you’re going, think about what you DO appreciate about this. Stay focused on that, in your mind, or write it down. Peek at what you’ve written down, whenever you leave to go take a biology break.
    • Is the difficulty  in how you respond? Then practice slowing down. Walk slowly.  Speak slower. And take a breath before you speak. Find a signal you can give yourself (or someone else can) to stop. Pause. Think. Then respond. Respond; don’t react with emotion.
    • Can you do some of the event, but not all of it. Meet people after the big party, at the end for dessert or out for drinks. Change the situation to be something you can handle more easily.

It’s Your Holiday, Too, Remember.

HOW could it be the best holiday ever?

  • What’s one thing that would really make this holiday or holiday vacation rock and roll for you? One small change that would make a difference. If it’s feeling too big, what piece of this could you try? Experiment with? Dip your toe in the water for? One small piece, so you know you’ve made a difference this year.  There’ still time – and plenty of time before next year. But start down the road now.

It’s Your Holiday, Too, Remember.

WHEN are you on your game?

When do you usually feel “on your game” versus “off?” Important to know, whether it’s the holidays or not.

Consider these aspects, and whether you need to shore up in any area, just by a little bit. OR choose ONE area and focus on it:

  • Sleep: amounts, and cycle (staying up too late?)
  • Food/nutrition: morning meal for energy and a kickstart, eating enough but not too much (don’t give up just because it’s the holidays), alcohol levels.
  • Health: Whether it’s medications or natural methods, stick with these as much as possible. Don’t give up if you miss one day. The point is to recover and keep going, not to be perfect.
  • Peace: Walking (grab a family member or go alone if you need ‘me’ time away from it all), meditation/quiet time (5 minutes can make all the difference), reading (10 minutes!).
  • People: alone versus social time – watch the  mixture at the holidays. Find small ways to get away and refresh, take a break, get away, if that’s what you need.

 

Seemingly Impossible to Change?

I just discovered www.RightBrainPlanner.com and their Facebook site and found two inspiring posters just this week.

I’m sharing them with you below for inspiration. One of my Facebook followers plans to print the “impossible” picture and post it on her bathroom mirror!

 

 

 

 

   Because … It’s Your Holiday, Too, Remember.

Gift Certificates for Organizing/Coaching Services: Doing it “Right”

Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

You’re sure that if he/she worked with an organizing coach, life would be better, calmer, more productive at work and at home. I know it will … but would he or she agree? This is the time of year you might be thinking, “I want to get a gift that MEANS something, that won’t just be more ‘stuff’ to add to a cluttered life.”

It’s a helpful thought … and here’s how to do it so you help your relationship and don’t hurt it.

When someone calls and asks about a gift certificate, I offer the following advice, so that the  conversation and the gift are welcomed, and don’t cause a blowup in your relationship.

Who is complaining? About what?

Has she complained that she just can’t get a handle on it all? Life, the home business, the household. Think carefully, because she needs to be the one complaining. That’s where her motivation to change will come from, not because she “should” or because someone else tells her. Research tells us that when a decluttering is forced, the clutter returns, and even  more of it. We can do a big reorganization, but if she doesn’t see a real need in the first place, how quickly do you think the stuff or time clutter will return? In a blink of an eye.

Starting the conversation

What did he say when he complained about too much to do or his ADHD getting the way? That’s the phrase you want to key off of to start a conversation. Because you do need to have a conversation before you give this gift. “I was thinking about when  you said … and I’ve read this woman’s blog/website. What I liked about her approach/credentials was … and so I thought this might be useful to you. What do you think of the idea?”

Spouses

Stuff and time clutter are conceptually like money. One of you probably is a bit more of a saver and the other more of a spender. Just as our attitudes and upbringing about money and finances are often different, so are our attitudes about stuff and time.

If either time or ‘too much stuff’ have become an issue in your marriage, an outsider, provided you both agree to this, is a useful approach. When I work with the one spouse, I work with that person’s strengths but I also understand that this organizing is different for each of us, so I can appreciate and explain what’s likely happening for the other spouse.

When ADHD, bipolar, depression/anxiety are in the mix

Many of my clients have ADHD. It shows up differently for each person and affects his/her life differently. The skills and practical strategies we work on will be different for each person.

Also, if needed, I’ll recommend education for both the spouses or the employee and the supervisor. Because it’s not an issue of “simply doing it.” Or “mind over matter.” These are neurologically based issues and you need to understand something about your condition to figure out how to outsmart it. Or to understand how to work together, so neither of you is a nag about it but together, you can deal with its impacts. Yes, it’s the third wheel and it will be, until you understand, accept and even embrace how ADHD shows up in your life.

Next chapters: divorce, death, big life changes

This would seem like an ideal situation to go through your things and your time, figuring out how to honor the past but move on. And that’s true. It’s cathartic, balancing, and filled with memories.

Here, you’ll want to ask the question even more sensitively about whether the person is ready to “begin to think about moving on, at least a first step.” My experience is that he/she may be ready to part with things, but  may not be ready for the whole process. And people get ready to move on at different rates. So it’s about taking one, small step and starting the process. That’s been the best approach and the least threatening to the memories of the past.

Other options to get started

Last, if it now seems that a gift certificate is not the idea that will work, you might consider giving my book instead. It’s filled with practical strategies, room by room and includes time management advice, plus reflection questions. Its focus is on moving onto your next chapter, so if big lie changes are part of the equation, this might be a good start. Read the table of contents and a chapter at this link.

You can call first

For gift certificates or to discuss your situation before you decide, simply email me or call 603.554.1948. Happy to chat for a bit to help you figure out how to help yourself or the person you’re thinking about. I offer phone coaching/consulting, virtual organizing, and in home/in office meetings – or a combination, depending on what works best.

 

Happy holidays season -

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s Next: Choosing a Path after a Big Life Change

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

Choosing your path is often overwhelming, isn’t it? And especially if you’re dealing with a life changing event. Now, you’re supposed to “choose.” Choose a “path.” Sounds difficult, big and overwhelming. And so you get stuck. But you know intuitively that you want to move on.

So how do you choose a path?

One step at a time

One step at a time

You don’t. You choose, with the best of your abilities at the time, a step. Just one.

But wow. Getting yourself to the point of making a move, of getting unstuck, of taking that first step sounds difficult, especially right now.

So how do we engage your brain to take a first step? We go with your strengths. Whichever strength of yours you tap into, you want to answer the question: What’s one tiny step I could take to move me forward?” And this is key: Keep making the step smaller until you say “Oh, that’s easy. I can do that.”

Here are some practical suggestions.

Are you a highly verbal person?

Love to talk? Enjoy language, books, socializing? Use your strength. Talk with friends, talk to yourself, a voice recorder, write in your journal or gain insights with a coach; talk it through, getting your thoughts out of your head. Clarity comes for the verbal person when she takes it out of her head.

Highly visual?

Draw it out. Map it out. Use a whiteboard. Create a Post-it note with one small step on each note. What do you see as a next step? What’s the picture of where you want to get to? What do the steps in between here and there look like?

Movement! Energy! Kinesthetics.

You may have this natural strength if you enjoy movement and speak with words that reflect energy. We can also often hear different levels of energy, depending on how they feel about a topic or a step, in this case. Where do you feel the most energy? What next step would stoke the fires? Rev up the car? Cause you to do dance with great energy? Move you along the path most easily?

Cognitive strength?

Do you typically read about something before starting a new project? You’re going to want to do some research, read a book, blog, or website first. What piece of information would move you forward? What proof or research or expert would you look to? What checklist of steps of decisions you need to make would be useful?

 

We all have a mixture of strengths and ways we process what’s going on around us. Use your natural strengths to get yourself unstuck so that you can take a step which gets you closer to your new path and your new chapter.

All of this makes choosing a path easier – perhaps not effortless – but easier.

And after this time of change you’ve been going through, isn’t it about time something got a little easier and clearer?